It's Friday.

So, that day that so many people look forward to all week long, is here again. It's just like any other day to me really. I work 7 days a week remember? The cooking, cleaning and laundry never ends... The only days that are different are Saturday & Sunday on which Joey is home from school and some of the time Paul is home from work. I think that sometime when I was working crazy shifts and days my weeks got screwed up and they haven't been the same since. At one point, Friday was my Monday.

I don't have a whole lot to say this morning. I thought I did, but now as I type I'm all over the place. Hopefully this weekend is a good one. There will be lots of good company and riding. I can't wait to ride. Something about the feeling of getting all geared up and hopping on my bike to take off through the desert really keeps me at peace. I am responsible for my actions, one bad turn or a jump I wasn't ready for can really take me down. I can go fast, or I can go slow. I love it and can't wait to ride.

I felt so bad sending Joey to school today. He had his braces tightened yesterday afternoon and he's in so much pain. I can totally sympathize for him, I had braces just 8 years ago. It hurts and it isn't a pleasant pain that will just go away. It hurts to talk, breathe, eat, brush your teeth, etc. Poor guy. He's being such a good sport about it and he's almost halfway done with them!

My coffee is ready and I'm hoping it puts that extra perk in my step this morning.

Nothing in particular.

I don't want it to go away, or do I?

These feelings I have for you

I try to divert my attention, but just can't get myself away from it all.

Thoughts of you invade my mind and I can't break free.

Your face, your smell, your touch.

Who are you?

My knight in shining armor, my husband, a long lost soul searching for his one true love?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's raining here in the Valley of the Sun, again. This January is definitely very different from the last. I remember wearing a tank-top and jeans to Paul & Joey's race at this time last year. It was nice out and I was already working on my sun-kissed skin. I miss the sun. I miss the warmth that it gives me and the way it warms my cheeks. Some have said to me, "You'll be regretting saying that when it's 110 degrees outside." No. I won't. I prefer that over a cold and rainy day. I love the snow, yes, when I'm snowboarding. I love the rain if it's accompanied by a good storm. I miss the sun.

I woke with several random thoughts in my head this morning. Not much different from any other day. I often dream of life and people that I have no recollection of who they are or what they mean. Sometimes it is just and idea without a face. I often wonder if it is just my mind playing tricks on me? If the person really does exist in my life, I just don't know it?

Yesterday was a good day. It was hair day. My beautiful friend Sarah (who does my hair) came over to do both mine and Tennille's hair. Tennille made us french toast for breakfast and it was delicious! It's always fun to have someone else cook for you in your kitchen. It tastes that much better. We had several good conversations over the three hour block of time.  Never did I imagine that I would find others that feel the same way I do about so many topics. From jobs to husbands to children to ghosts. It feels good and is so refreshing.  When we were on the topic of my upcoming birthday, Sarah told me something that I adore. She said, "You aren't turning 30. The last age you turn is 29 and each year after is an anniversary of 29". Therefor, this is my 1st Anniversary of 29! I like that.  Tennille went on to tell me that she thinks we should just plan something amongst ourselves for my birthday since the husband isn't doing anything. I am perfectly ok with that. Whether it's a dinner and movie or a spa day, anything to celebrate my youth will make me smile. Yes, 30 is a big deal to me.

It's not so much that I feel old, because I don't. I ride dirt bikes and am doing my darnedest to stay faster than Joey (yes, he's 10 and yes he's almost as fast as me). I love to snowboard, even though this is the 2nd winter in a row of no boarding, I wakeboard, I ride a skateboard (occasionally) and I still play Marco/Polo in the pool during the summer. I'm far from being "old". The part that I'm having a hard time swallowing is the fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Not sure why it bothers me and why I can't just settle on "being a mom" right now. I love this job, and I would do this forever if I knew I could. The problem is, I know I can't. If we are going to have any type of future or if Paul is ever going to retire, I'm going to have to have a "career". I just don't know what I want that career to be.

The countdown is on, 13 days. I will turn 30 and still not know what my calling is.

Enjoying my coffee. Sort of.

My 2nd job growing up was working at a bagel shop called "Willy's Bagels & Blends".  We sold bagels, smoothies, sandwiches, coffee & espresso drinks, coffee beans in bulk and other little goodies. I was 16 when I started working there and of course, started drinking coffee. It's funny to me that when I see teenagers walking around drinking coffee or sitting at Starbucks with their friends, I comment to myself that they are too young to be drinking coffee. I guess I thought I was pretty grown up when I was 16?

I had stopped drinking coffee during my pregnancy with Joey and the whole year after he was born while I breastfed him. Not sure why I started drinking it again, but I did. At that time, I didn't even know of Starbucks. Didn't know it existed and was satisfied with the Folders in my cup. Of course I did have to put a little bit of vanilla creamer in it to sweeten it up. I remember waking up and walking down the street to my friend April's house to  have her husband pour us each a cup of coffee so that we could sit and drink our warm delight while watching the boys play outside. I have always enjoyed my cup of coffee in the morning. I guess you could say it's an addiction. I have to have it. If I don't, I'll end up with a headache by noon. I feel content sitting in the sun, or on the couch just holding my warm cup and sipping my cup of joe.

Sometime after my divorce I stopped drinking caffeine all together. As I sit and try to remember exactly why or when I can't. I know that my grandparents had some influence over it, telling me that in the long run it would be bad for me and I should switch to decaf.

All of that went out the window when I started working graveyard shift as a 911 dispatcher. There was no way I was going to survive that without a little bit of caffeine. By then, of course I knew about Starbucks and was pretty much a regular. It's amazing to see how much you spend at that money pit when you look at your receipts over a months span. It's really sickening but can be compared to a smoker buying cigarettes I guess.

Since moving to Arizona in September 2008, I have definitely cut back on the Starbucks runs. Down to maybe 2-3 times a month, if not less. Occasionally I will even get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts. I have been buying the Dunkin Donuts coffee grounds for a couple years now and absolutely love it. It satisfies my taste for coffee, my caffeine withdrawals and most of the time it  is pretty inexpensive for a 1lb bag.

What prompted me to write about coffee this morning is that I am sitting here drinking my coffee, getting ready to work out and am almost gagging trying to drink whatever it is that I bought at Safeway last week. Dunkin Donuts coffee was not on sale and there was a breakfast blend made by Seattle's Best that was. It looked good and there were several bags of it missing from the shelf so I thought to myself, "it's just coffee, can't be bad, I'll try it" and proceeded to buy it. The second selling point that it had was that it is organic. My Dunkin Donuts coffee is definitely not organic, but if they did make an organic blend, I would buy it.

Today is Day #3 of trying to choke down this horrible cup of coffee. It's a pretty bad addiction when you have to have something so bad that you'll drink it even if it does taste like dirt. (and I mean that literally, it tastes like someone put dirt in my coffee pot and poured hot water through it). I continue to drink. Maybe it will grow on me? Maybe my taste buds are just getting used to it? No. It's a horrible tasting coffee and I really hope that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I can't even describe how bad it is.

I will finish this cup, work out and then be off to the grocery to buy my beloved Dunkin Donuts "Dunkin Dark" blend.  This other stuff, however, is going in the garbage.

How many candles?

I have always had a long list of "wants". I can remember my dad telling me when I was young that I "want" too much. Looking back over the years I have had a lot of "wants". Some that I have gotten and some that I haven't. They are materialistic items. Things that can be bought with the money that we work for. Why should we only save our money for when we are older? I do agree that saving is good, but sometimes you have to live your life for the moment and spoil yourself. Reward yourself.

My list isn't very long. However, it is a little expensive.  My birthday is coming up and I wanted to blog about the different items that I'd love to have. I don't necessarily believe I will get them, but that's why we call it a wish list.

For a while now I have been wanting some Chuck's. I was at the mall last week and tried them on, just so I could be sure of my size. Of course I'd love to have 3 or 4 pairs of them, but I've settled on designing my own (just 1 pair) and this is what I've come up with...

They are adorable and have all of my favorite colors on them! They even have my name on the side! Love them!

I love taking pictures. I love being in the pictures. I have thousands and thousands of pictures on my external hard drive and hope to continue adding them. Currently I have a Sony Cybershot touchscreen camera that I've been playing with for the past couple of years. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with it. If it's sunny outside it takes beautiful pictures. If we are indoors, not so much. It sucks. We have several really crappy photos that I wish looked better.

I've been begging Paul to buy a digital SLR camera for some time. The toss up is between a Canon and a Nikon. I think that Canon is going to win. I have more friends with Canon's and they have all told me that they are very user friendly. Not to mention a little bit cheaper than the Nikon. The Canon I am currently looking at is the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi 12.2MP and it comes with a starter kit and tripod! Score!

She's beautiful and I'm already falling in love with her. Hmmmmm, now I just have to think of a name....

For my 16th birthday my mom and dad bought me a pair of Justin/George Strait Roper boots. They were burgundy and I loved them. Unfortunately I lost them somewhere in the divorce that I like to call "fire". I lost a lot of things in that fire. My piano, boots, clothes, kitchen appliances, furniture, etc. Oh well.....Hopefully I can get them all back someday, and made with new memories.

While shopping in Scottsdale with Audrey in October, we ventured into Saba's Western Wear. They had shelves and shelves of boots. Cheap ones, expensive ones, ugly ones, totally cute ones and of course ones that I fell in love with. I have searched and searched online for the ones that I loved and can't find them. However, I have found a few pairs that I like just as much!

These boots are both the right color, height, the toe is perfect!  

What girl doesn't love Tiffany jewelry? I'm sure they exist but not in this household. My first bit of Tiffany jewelry was given to me by Paul when we were first dating. He had gone to Las Vegas with some friends for one of the Supercross races. I had to stay behind and study for tests that I had at work. When he came home he gave me a beautiful Tiffany necklace that I wear all the time. I love it.  For my 28th birthday I decided to buy myself a birthday present. I went to Tiffany's with Paul and Joey and bought myself a ring. I wear it most days on my right hand middle finger and it reminds me of the times I worked hard in my life. At the time I bought it I was working a lot. Graveyard shift, swing-shift and most of the time 60-70 hrs a week. That's a lot when you consider the work I was doing. I've forever had this necklace on my wish-list. Well, at least for the last 6 years. It's expensive and I don't ever hold my breath for it, but one of these days I'm going to get it. Whether I have to buy it for myself or it's given to me as a gift.

The watch I wear was given to me for Christmas in 1998. If you do the math you can figure out that RC was the one to give that watch to me. It's a nice watch. Bulova. But....everytime I put it on, I think of the fact that HE gave it to me and it makes me want to puke. I've been on the hunt for a watch for a while and have found a few in stores that I like. I know that I want a white one and I want it to be a little bit oversized. I have to have my bling right? I'd love a Nixon watch, but....yah, not going to spend $2,000 on a watch. These are cute though!



I love to cook. Now that I'm not working and have more time to spend in the kitchen. Slowly but surely I've been adding to my kitchen appliance inventory, but still don't have a juicer. I have a lemon tree and beautiful lemons but no juicer to make lemonade!

These are just a few of the big ticket items that I have on my wants list. There are so many other smaller items I can add to my list, such as clothing from Fox, OneIndustries, or even my beloved VS. I'm not about to go and find all of the cutsie little outfits and ensembles and post pictures of them. I'm constantly downloading music from iTunes and someday hope to get an iMac.

My iPhone is getting a little mad at me. I've had this same INCIPIO case on her since December 2008. I've been eyeing a new case for a while now at the Apple store but just can't justify buying a new one when my pink one works just fine. However, I'm still in love with it...

I can't believe how long my list has gotten. I hope that in just a few weeks I can cross of at least one or two of the items on my list! With my birthday, Valentine's day and our wedding anniversary coming up I'm sure to get some fun gifts! Even if I get NONE of these items I will still be happy just to get to spend the evening with my son and husband. (as long as they at least buy me a birthday cake, or better yet, cook one!)

Crack!

In October of 2008, shortly after we moved to Arizona, I was introduced to two wonderful people. Dr's Jon & Kori Sprintz. They have their own Chiropractic practice called Health for Life Chiropractic in Mesa, Az. I was never too keen on the whole philosophy of chiropractic treatment, probably because my dad always talked bad about it. Saying that Of course the more you get your back cracked the more you have to go and the more money they make from you....

I definitely have a different view of it all now, after 15 months of treatment. I have known since I was 12 that I have minor scoliosis in my spine. I have always had back pains and it only got worse when I was pregnant with Joey. I really just learned to live with it. It wasn't anything that really could be fixed and I just thought I was supposed to be in pain all of the time because that was just part of life. After quite a few years filled with stress, getting married, moving to a different state, I thought I would have an open mind when listening to my friend Sara tell me about Jon & Kori.

My consultation appointment was a little bit emotional for me. They took X-rays of my spine and a computerized nerve scan. When Dr. Kori was showing me my X-ray it then hit me why my back hurts so much all of the time. It's crooked.  After explaining to me what chiropractic care could do for me, Paul and I decided to try it.

At first, I was going 2-3 times a week and it was painful. Dr. Jon was basically retraining my muscles and my spine to a new position. A few times, he would adjust me and by the time I got home, my bones had snapped back to where they thought they should be and it would cause my ribs to be out of alignment. That was painful. After a few weeks of that I could feel my body starting to adjust to it's new range of motion and positioning. I was working out more, stretching more and even got a few massages to help ease the muscle pain.

Now, it's been 15 months and I'm only going in for an adjustment once, sometimes twice a month. I feel great. I still get occasional back pain but not nearly as bad as it used to be. When it does start to hurt I do more of the stretching exercises that they taught me and it always helps. Not only does going in to see them make my back feel better but it also helps my mood. They are always so upbeat and happy and positive thinking. It has been an enlightening experience to learn about how my spine and nerves work and made great new friends in the process!

I went in to their office today with a smile and left with an even bigger one. I think I am even a little bit taller too!