Two months later...

Today is exactly two months from when I wrote my last post about PPD. I was feeling very down and thankfully because I recognize it, I can help myself to get better.

February came and went with a blurrrr... dinner with friends for my birthday, a visit from my favorite cousin and more smiles from my two growing boys.

February also brought Tough Mudder. What an experience!! It was both mentally and physically challenging. With the help of my friends and loving husband I even faced my biggest fear. There were tears involved but sometimes that's what helps me conquer something.

















If I said I wasn't tired after all of the obstacles and the 12 mile run I'd be lying. My body hurt, everywhere but my spirits were flying high. Knowing that I set out to face the obstacles and the challenge and accomplished it was SO rewarding.

And.. if I wasn't crazy enough to do that, one of my really great friends and I had signed up to do another Half-marathon together, THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND. Crazy.

We did it and we did it with smiles.



Even though it was the dear husband's birthday he brought the boys out so that they could meet us at the finish line. THAT was my smile for the day!



I took about a week off after both of those events and then started right into my bootcamp 4-5 days a week. I can't stress enough how much exercise helps me. It truly is my drug and I choose to keep it my drug. I don't want to be on Zoloft or Prozac or whatever else there is out there, I want to stay healthy, active and enjoy my life medicine free.

Since I've gone back to bootcamp, I've started doing Boxing/Kickboxing as well which is AMAZINGLY therapeutic. I go at least once a week and for the last three weeks in a row I've gone twice. Making kickboxing my 2nd workout of the day on Wednesdays. I am learning so much more about my body, my core and my inner strength. I can't wait to see what magic it has done for me after a couple of months!!

The Magic 3's. Two of them to be exact.

I am older, wiser, more stubborn and feeling more confident than ever.

I had another birthday this weekend, yesterday. I am another year older and am excited about this. Not excited about the wrinkles that have shown up around my eyes but I am excited that the older I get, the more relaxed I get.

This last year was particularly hard for me, emotionally. I feel that it had a lot to do with something I haven't talked a lot about with many people for fear of judgement.

After giving birth to Travis in May 2011, life was not easy but it also wasn't as hard as other peoples lives. I am thankful for what I have been blessed with inside and out but I was left with deep depression. One that I never thought possible of feeling.

I sought out help in November 2011, at which point both my doctor and the therapist she referred me to said I was "fine and just needed to get out more".

Ok.

Well, at the time I was running 5-6 times a week and granted I wasn't sleeping or going out with friends (which I didn't really have at the time) I felt I was "getting out".

A few more months went by and I was still feeling these sad moments, happy moments and I had a lot of anger built up inside. Towards what? Who knows..

I sought help again.

This time I met with a therapist once a week for about 6 weeks. She was great and helped to instill confidence in me again. I started "getting out" and actually made some really great friends during this time. I stopped seeing her and it's been almost a year since.

Life is such a learning process. We are constantly learning about ourselves, our family, our friends and where the flavor of vanilla comes from (yeah, I won't go there). I know, looking at the past year and a half that I have battled PPD. So many suffer from it, and so many don't get help. I don't believe you always have to turn to medicine for help but sometimes it is necessary.

Today is a new day and I am greeting it with open arms and new habits. I am going to continue eating healthy and exercising and focusing on me and my family while still moving forward in my journey away from postpartum depression.