Thursday, February 11, 2010


Yesterday I turned the fabulous age of 30. I was nervous, excited, scared, anxious, and pretty much every other feeling in the book. It wasn't so much that I thought I was going to be struck by lightning or it was going to hurt or something, I was just having personal and emotional feelings about actually "turning 30".

I'm young. I never have once thought (yet) that I am old. I feel old sometimes, but that comes with the recipe. I got married the first time at the very young age of 18. My son was born when I was 19 and that really made me grow up. Probably too fast for a 19 year old. I've held several different types of jobs, and have lived in four states since the age of 18. I've been through a lot and most of it wasn't pleasant.

I wakeboard, snowboard, ride dirt-bikes and play laser tag with my son and husband. I hope to still be doing those things when I'm 50. I believe it's those activities that are keeping me young, even though they make my body ache as though I'm 60. I have a few "lines" on my forehead but that just shows that I've lived life.

Accepting the fact that I turned 30 and don't yet know exactly what I want to be when I grow up is something I'm starting to be ok with. I've narrowed it down to a few ideas and that is far better than having no clue at all. I have goals. I do. I don't tell people what those goals are because when I do that I usually end up failing.  I love being a "Domestic Engineer" but I know that in just 7 more school years Joey will be graduating from high school and off to college. Then what? I know that I will have to have something that is my own. Something I worked hard for and something I enjoy doing. Thinking about the possibilities of the next few years makes me giggle inside with anticipation.

Though I had a birthday yesterday and received many nice cards and gifts from family and friends I still did not receive a gift from my dear husband. Why? I am still unsure of that. The only time he has given me a gift for my birthday was in 2006. The first birthday of mine that we were dating. He took Joey and I snowboarding in Tahoe for the first time and it was wonderful.  I'm not really sure why he doesn't buy me gifts for my birthday. I don't know if I am being too materialistic? I really don't care how much he spends on the gift, whether it be $10 or $300, I just care that some thought went into getting his wife a present to open on her birthday. Is it really so wrong of me to wish that I could get a present from my husband? He did take the day off of work yesterday to spend it with me, and I do appreciate that. Its not often that he takes time off of work and it means a lot that he did it for me. I am just trying to process and figure out how to just accept that as my gift. Why can't I do that? Is it because he buys his brother and mom and dad gifts on their birthdays? He loves to accept gifts from his parents and brother, so why does he feel I am not deserving of a small gift? I just don't get it and I'm not sure I ever will.

Aside from my husband not giving me a gift, I did receive some other really nice gifts on my birthday that were really not even necessary! It's so nice to know that I have family and friends that care for me and want to spoil me! Makes me smile to know that even when the hubby might not show up to play, my friends and family do.

I am 30 now. I have a new outlook on life and love and dreams. I can't wait to experience all that comes next.

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