Friends

What is a friendship? Is it the same as any relationship? We often use the term, but really what does it mean? Is there a difference between an acquaintance and a friend? A companion and a spouse? Soul mate?

Wikipedia says, "Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.  Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other. The practical execution of friendship is little more than the trust that someone will not harm them"

I would describe myself as one that has always had a lot of friends. I was always surrounded by people that I called "friends", but as I got older I started to learn what a friend really is. When I would talk about friends, my dad would always say, "They aren't friends, they are acquaintances." I'd argue with him and then walk away. I know now what he meant by that.

Over the past few years I've really discovered who my friends are. The people that I have a connection with and carry on a relationship with. Since getting divorced in 2004, I have learned a lot about trust. I've had my heart broken by both men and women and I've learned from each of those instances. Sadly, it continues today. Just when you think you are really close to someone, you've known them for a number of years,  they close you out. They don't come to you to talk, they don't call unless they need something and they most likely talk behind your back. For me, discovering that this person is not a friend, is empowering. I've learned to set that relationship aside and know that the connection that I thought was there no longer exists.  However, with my personality, it's not that easy to just let it go.

I miss my friend. I miss hanging out and laughing. I wonder if they miss it too? Does it hurt them the way it hurts me, or do they really not even care. Did I care too much? Did I invest too much of my self worth into a relationship that really wasn't going to last forever?

Personally, for me, having my son and husband is the greatest friendship there is. They truly can be trusted with my heart. The number of friends that I can say that about is very small and they know who they are. They don't need to be told and I don't need to be told that they feel the same. I am working on accepting that and moving on from the dysfunctional relationships that I have tried to hold on to. As I get older I find that having less friends is better. Just as most things in life, I'm trying to keep it simple.

I am no longer going to try to fix something so broken. I am going to focus on the relationships that do mean something and do show me the same respect.