Wrap yourself around me

I haven't been in much of a writing in my blog type of mood as of late...

The last two months have been somewhat of (yes another) blur. Days, nights, weeks, they all blend together with the same goal in mind. Feed Travis. Feed myself. Get Travis to sleep, shower, sleep, you get the point.

A couple weeks ago we hired a Newborn Care Specialist, after getting to the end of our rope, tired, annoyed, frustrated and plain mad. She came to our house, spoke with us about what we had been doing with Travis and how it was done all wrong, but we did it because it was really the only thing we could do to keep ourselves sane. She educated us on the importance of teaching good sleep skills early on and that if we teach him now, he'll forever keep the skill.

Things around the house are much better after working with her... no more middle of the night feedings and Travis is now napping in spurts longer than 30 minutes. Who would have though you could actually train your baby to sleep? The key? More sleep = More sleep. I've also started him on solids as of yesterday. So far, so good and no reaction other than a little bit more gas in the evening. Hopefully his little tummy can handle it and it doesn't create too much of a problem.

It's now December and almost time for Christmas. I haven't shopped one bit and frankly don't even want to. Joey is going to spend the holidays with his dad in Tennessee and it will be just Paul, Travis and I here in Arizona. Yes, of course, I am happy that it's Travis' first Christmas and all but really, it's about the photos. He's not going to remember it. He won't remember the presents he's given and he probably won't even care to open them. (he was given a present at Thanksgiving and he cried the whole time he was crinkling the paper. The sound maybe?) Call me Scrooge if you want, I'm just not in the mood. Maybe once we put up our tree this weekend, I'll change my mind. Maybe.

I'm ready for the new year. Again. I have personal goals for the year and I'm really excited to embark on a new journey.

Just go to sleep!!

Another month already half over and I still can't tell you what day it is. I'm lucky if I am getting 6 hours of sleep at night, (that's a lot considering the average is 4-5). I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and just plain going insane.

I've started running again to help me clear my mind and get me out of the house. Most of the time it works, but on those days that 1/2 mile into the 3 mile run Travis starts screaming, it's not so therapeutic. I am proud that I have worked up to a 3 mile run as my regular workout, just wish I could go longer. 3 miles takes me about 30 minutes and that's about all Travis is good for.

Travis is two weeks away from being 4 months old and still is a horrible sleeper. I tried to "sleep train" him but it only seemed to make matters worse, so I have gone back to just living by his schedule. Not great, but better than he was when I was trying to force him to sleep when and where he didn't want to.

He is growing like a weed and learning new things each day. He has happily discovered his feet and toes and likes to play with them any chance he gets. He still isn't rolling over but I like to blame that slow development on his horrible first two months. He has rolled over from belly to back a few times, but nothing regular.

Joey has two weeks left of this first quarter in Junior High, hard to believe. He's doing well so far. He has all A's and one B. I am hoping that he can maintain those grades for the next couple of weeks and then continue with that next quarter as well. I'm not sure if he's into girls or not yet, I'd like to say "not" but he's 12. Is he really going to tell his momma everything? I doubt it.

I'm tired, I want a break and I can't wait for my trip to California in a few weeks....

Life & Death.

Last week was a happy but also sad week. On Monday, April 18, 2011 at 4:02pm our nephew Tyler was born. He weighed 8lbs 15oz and was 22 inches long! Way to go momma for pushing that big baby out! That's almost 9 pounds!!! He's adorable and I think he has his daddy's nose and the rest of him looks like his momma. We'll see as he gets older.

As the week went on, an angel got it's wings. I had a very tough time dealing with the news of a long time friend passing away and while it's still very difficult for me to talk about it, I am doing better. I've known James since I was about 6 or 7. He is the younger brother of my best friend Jenni and while we haven't really been in touch over the past few years, he is a huge part of my childhood and most of my memories from growing up, involve him. He died suddenly on Wednesday afternoon from a pulmonary embolism, blood clot. It is so tragic and I am so heartbroken as he was younger than me. I can't imagine the hurt that my "other family" (as they have always been called) are going through, not to mention his fiance. I really can't talk much more about it right now...

[caption id="attachment_481" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="James, Jenni & I, summertime '93 or '94"][/caption]

Pregnancy wise, I am feeling pretty good. I've had a few spells of exhaustion over the last couple days. It just sneaks up on me out of no where, and because I do know what it will be like when the baby comes, I take the chance to sleep. I take naps and I don't push myself, hoping to rest of up for the big day, whenever that may be. Hard to believe it will be sometime in the next month. There is no waiting much longer, he is coming, and he is coming soon! I've still been walking quite a bit, trying to get out there at least once a day and sometimes even twice. (Daily Mile) Since this is my 2nd pregnancy, I do know how important walking is to help before, during and after labor. I am still having several contractions a day, and even some that wake me in the night. Nothing is regular though, so I know it's just practice. My uterus is warming up for the big day! This coming Sunday we have our maternity photo shoot and I can't wait to see how they come out!

Joey has been doing well, hard to believe that 6th grade is almost over. My little baby won't be such a little baby anymore going into 7th grade! He's been doing his part around the house a bit more too, helping us in the yard and helping with his chores before I have to ask him, sometimes. He's such a great kid and I love him more than I can even describe. I just feel so bad for him sometimes because his dad has recently let him down. He doesn't say much about it, but you can see it all over his face and hear it in his voice every day when he checks the mail for a package his dad originally told him he mailed weeks ago. I just keep a big smile and tell him, "I'm sure it will be here soon," while my heart breaks inside for him.

This month has really flown by, and in just a few days it will be May. So hard to believe that I have been pregnant for 8 months, it goes so fast! Before we know it, he'll be walking!

No underwire, thank you.

As I have become more pregnant and my belly has turned into a basketball other things have grown too. Since I've had to stop working out I've noticed an unfortunate (but fixable) difference in my rear and hips. Up until about two months ago I was still wearing my ever so comfy and favorite Victoria's Secret bras but of course, like "regular" clothes, that had to come to an end.

I hadn't given much thought about actually buying a nursing bra until I absolutely needed to, but wearing a sports bra every day has been getting kind of old and I needed something that had more of a "bra" look to it. I didn't want to go to VS and just purchase the next size up because starting in May, I will be wearing nursing bras for at least the next year. What is the point on spending $45 on my favorite bra now, only to wear it three months and then possibly not even be able to wear it after breastfeeding for a year, I'm sure my size will change, again.

I started with Motherhood Maternity, hoping that since in the back of the store they have a huge wall of nothing but bras. I've stayed away from that wall, because well, I just didn't want to be shopping for that yet! When I went in, the annoying girl who always seems to be working when I'm there, was there. She decided she'd help me even though I didn't want any help. Her useless help obviously got me no where and instead of walking out of there with new $19 maternity/nursing bras, I walked out with a new pair of shorts. (in hopes that it will be warming up soon).

When I got home, I started texting all of my friends who have been recently pregnant and used nursing bras. Most of my friends don't/didn't nurse their babies so it was a tough one. One friend in particular, who thinks a lot like me and has a larger bust like me, was the one who hit the jackpot. She sent me the link of a bra on Nordstrom.com that she used during her whole year of nursing and said it was amazingly comfortable.

These bras come in so many different types, just as regular bras do. Underwire, no underwire, flap, no flap. While I have always worn bras with underwire for own personal preferences, going to a nursing bra, I find that I should NOT be wearing underwire. It's great now, but honestly it's the most uncomfortable thing imaginable. With a basketball under my shirt, having that underwire dig in is not something I want to experience day after day, not to mention it's not good for you to wear while nursing because it can cause your milk ducts to clog.

No underwire it is. Since I really didn't know how these bras felt I had to make a trip to Nordstrom. Of course, their website has several different bras and they only carry one in the store. Of course. I ask to try it on and they don't even have the accurate size that I need, but I was able to gauge which one to get based on the comfort of the two I tried on. This bra was like heaven. I could wear it 24 hours a day and be comfortable, so I ordered it and I can't wait for it to be here!

It's amazing though, how much we pay for comfort. Maternity bras that I tried on at Target and Motherhood were around $15-30 and so horribly uncomfortable. This one that I ended up purchasing from Nordstorm was a whopping $55!!! But... that's comfort. Not much more than I pay for a bra a VS and I'll be wearing it for at least a year so really it's not that bad!

Shopping for all things baby is fun, exciting, confusing,  and most of all expensive but it is so worth it!

HypnoBirthing

I knew from the beginning that I was going to sign up for some sort of birth class with my husband, just wasn't sure what it was going to be. When I was pregnant with my son Joey, I went through a Lamaze class at the military hospital on Oahu and it was great. Most of the sessions my friend Lisa accompanied me (since my ex-husband was gone a lot) and they were very informative. I pretty much remember all of the Lamaze techniques and how to breathe, so I wanted something different this time around.

I had read a little bit about Hypnobirthing in one of the many pregnancy handouts I got from my Dr.'s office and it sparked a little interest. It takes a whole different approach to natural birthing, using a relaxation technique and adopting the philosophy that pain doesn't have to accompany labor. You can read more about it here.

 Hypnobirthing

Once I found out that I may have to have a cesarean section in order to "deliver" my baby instead of giving birth to him, a lot of my excitement for classes such as these went out the window. I stopped looking in to them in fear of getting my hopes up for a natural vaginal delivery.

Today, my friend Kori called me and asked me if I'd be interested in taking a hypnobirthing class with her, and her husband. I was instantly excited and felt that with my positive thinking, maybe, just maybe I could still have the natural birth that I want. When I went on to the hypnobirthing website, I found several bits of information that it can also be beneficial to mothers who have to have a necessary cesarean section! Where do I sign up?

I'm excited to start this class, it's going to be once a week for 9 weeks. Crazy, thinking that I am due in just 17 short weeks, the timing will be perfect. It will also be a great experience to go through this class with another couple that we are friends with! (She is due just 4 weeks after me).

"When you change the way you view birth,

the way you birth will change."

-Marie F. Mongan

Thoughts and fears

I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that my only choice for delivery may be a c-section. The number one thing that matters is that I have a healthy baby boy in my arms, but how he gets here has always been something I took for granted.

I gave birth to Joey completely natural, almost 12 years ago. Even when I was 19, I felt strongly about natural, drug free births and the thought never crossed my mind that I would have to have a c-section. Now, going into this pregnancy the thought never crossed my mind either. From the moment that we started talking about trying to get pregnant, I had talked with my husband about my birthing beliefs. It's so hard for me to accept the possibility and I'm just not sure how to "get over it" and just accept reality. Millions of women go through the surgery method of birth and they recover just fine, as do their babies. I just never thought I might be one of those women.

I'm not going to lie. I'm scared and terrified. I don't want an epidural. It terrifies me to think of someone putting a needle in my already screwed up spine. I don't want to have dr's cut open my abdomen to remove the baby, I want him to come when he's ready and the natural way, so I can hold him and nurse him as soon as possible. I understand that if my condition doesn't get better, it's very dangerous to both me and baby if I was to try a vaginal delivery but I'm just praying that my condition gets better and I don't even have to worry about all of this crap! February 7 can't get here soon enough.

I've gained 12 pounds since the day I tested positive. I'm 21 weeks, 5 days and to me that seems like a lot of weight. I know that it's normal, and I'm going to gain weight but I'm sorry, no matter who you are, weight is weight and it's hard to swallow. I love seeing my growing belly, I just don't love seeing my growing butt. In the mirror it looks the same, but I can tell the difference when I try on certain clothes that fit me just two weeks ago... they are a little tight in the bottom area. My weight gain goal is 25 maybe 30 pounds. I'm hoping that I can stay on track and stay within those numbers especially if I do end up having to have a c-section, since I can't start exercising as soon after delivery.

I think the one thing I love more than anything is not just feeling little Honda move around but having Joey sit with his hand on my belly feeling his brothers little kicks and squirms. It truly is a happy mommy moment and I will never forget it. It's something that you can't ever get back so I'm enjoying every second of it. I'm not trying to hide my belly either, now that it actually looks like a pregnant belly and not just a beer belly and I really can't imagine what it's going to look like in another 12 weeks or even 15 weeks. It already seem so huge to me!!

Babies are a blessing and I am so thankful I am getting to experience all that motherhood brings. I may whine and complain but who doesn't? Deep down, I am thankful, compassionate and so happy to have another baby boy to call my own!