It's Friday.

So, that day that so many people look forward to all week long, is here again. It's just like any other day to me really. I work 7 days a week remember? The cooking, cleaning and laundry never ends... The only days that are different are Saturday & Sunday on which Joey is home from school and some of the time Paul is home from work. I think that sometime when I was working crazy shifts and days my weeks got screwed up and they haven't been the same since. At one point, Friday was my Monday.

I don't have a whole lot to say this morning. I thought I did, but now as I type I'm all over the place. Hopefully this weekend is a good one. There will be lots of good company and riding. I can't wait to ride. Something about the feeling of getting all geared up and hopping on my bike to take off through the desert really keeps me at peace. I am responsible for my actions, one bad turn or a jump I wasn't ready for can really take me down. I can go fast, or I can go slow. I love it and can't wait to ride.

I felt so bad sending Joey to school today. He had his braces tightened yesterday afternoon and he's in so much pain. I can totally sympathize for him, I had braces just 8 years ago. It hurts and it isn't a pleasant pain that will just go away. It hurts to talk, breathe, eat, brush your teeth, etc. Poor guy. He's being such a good sport about it and he's almost halfway done with them!

My coffee is ready and I'm hoping it puts that extra perk in my step this morning.

Nothing in particular.

I don't want it to go away, or do I?

These feelings I have for you

I try to divert my attention, but just can't get myself away from it all.

Thoughts of you invade my mind and I can't break free.

Your face, your smell, your touch.

Who are you?

My knight in shining armor, my husband, a long lost soul searching for his one true love?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It's raining here in the Valley of the Sun, again. This January is definitely very different from the last. I remember wearing a tank-top and jeans to Paul & Joey's race at this time last year. It was nice out and I was already working on my sun-kissed skin. I miss the sun. I miss the warmth that it gives me and the way it warms my cheeks. Some have said to me, "You'll be regretting saying that when it's 110 degrees outside." No. I won't. I prefer that over a cold and rainy day. I love the snow, yes, when I'm snowboarding. I love the rain if it's accompanied by a good storm. I miss the sun.

I woke with several random thoughts in my head this morning. Not much different from any other day. I often dream of life and people that I have no recollection of who they are or what they mean. Sometimes it is just and idea without a face. I often wonder if it is just my mind playing tricks on me? If the person really does exist in my life, I just don't know it?

Yesterday was a good day. It was hair day. My beautiful friend Sarah (who does my hair) came over to do both mine and Tennille's hair. Tennille made us french toast for breakfast and it was delicious! It's always fun to have someone else cook for you in your kitchen. It tastes that much better. We had several good conversations over the three hour block of time.  Never did I imagine that I would find others that feel the same way I do about so many topics. From jobs to husbands to children to ghosts. It feels good and is so refreshing.  When we were on the topic of my upcoming birthday, Sarah told me something that I adore. She said, "You aren't turning 30. The last age you turn is 29 and each year after is an anniversary of 29". Therefor, this is my 1st Anniversary of 29! I like that.  Tennille went on to tell me that she thinks we should just plan something amongst ourselves for my birthday since the husband isn't doing anything. I am perfectly ok with that. Whether it's a dinner and movie or a spa day, anything to celebrate my youth will make me smile. Yes, 30 is a big deal to me.

It's not so much that I feel old, because I don't. I ride dirt bikes and am doing my darnedest to stay faster than Joey (yes, he's 10 and yes he's almost as fast as me). I love to snowboard, even though this is the 2nd winter in a row of no boarding, I wakeboard, I ride a skateboard (occasionally) and I still play Marco/Polo in the pool during the summer. I'm far from being "old". The part that I'm having a hard time swallowing is the fact that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Not sure why it bothers me and why I can't just settle on "being a mom" right now. I love this job, and I would do this forever if I knew I could. The problem is, I know I can't. If we are going to have any type of future or if Paul is ever going to retire, I'm going to have to have a "career". I just don't know what I want that career to be.

The countdown is on, 13 days. I will turn 30 and still not know what my calling is.

Enjoying my coffee. Sort of.

My 2nd job growing up was working at a bagel shop called "Willy's Bagels & Blends".  We sold bagels, smoothies, sandwiches, coffee & espresso drinks, coffee beans in bulk and other little goodies. I was 16 when I started working there and of course, started drinking coffee. It's funny to me that when I see teenagers walking around drinking coffee or sitting at Starbucks with their friends, I comment to myself that they are too young to be drinking coffee. I guess I thought I was pretty grown up when I was 16?

I had stopped drinking coffee during my pregnancy with Joey and the whole year after he was born while I breastfed him. Not sure why I started drinking it again, but I did. At that time, I didn't even know of Starbucks. Didn't know it existed and was satisfied with the Folders in my cup. Of course I did have to put a little bit of vanilla creamer in it to sweeten it up. I remember waking up and walking down the street to my friend April's house to  have her husband pour us each a cup of coffee so that we could sit and drink our warm delight while watching the boys play outside. I have always enjoyed my cup of coffee in the morning. I guess you could say it's an addiction. I have to have it. If I don't, I'll end up with a headache by noon. I feel content sitting in the sun, or on the couch just holding my warm cup and sipping my cup of joe.

Sometime after my divorce I stopped drinking caffeine all together. As I sit and try to remember exactly why or when I can't. I know that my grandparents had some influence over it, telling me that in the long run it would be bad for me and I should switch to decaf.

All of that went out the window when I started working graveyard shift as a 911 dispatcher. There was no way I was going to survive that without a little bit of caffeine. By then, of course I knew about Starbucks and was pretty much a regular. It's amazing to see how much you spend at that money pit when you look at your receipts over a months span. It's really sickening but can be compared to a smoker buying cigarettes I guess.

Since moving to Arizona in September 2008, I have definitely cut back on the Starbucks runs. Down to maybe 2-3 times a month, if not less. Occasionally I will even get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts. I have been buying the Dunkin Donuts coffee grounds for a couple years now and absolutely love it. It satisfies my taste for coffee, my caffeine withdrawals and most of the time it  is pretty inexpensive for a 1lb bag.

What prompted me to write about coffee this morning is that I am sitting here drinking my coffee, getting ready to work out and am almost gagging trying to drink whatever it is that I bought at Safeway last week. Dunkin Donuts coffee was not on sale and there was a breakfast blend made by Seattle's Best that was. It looked good and there were several bags of it missing from the shelf so I thought to myself, "it's just coffee, can't be bad, I'll try it" and proceeded to buy it. The second selling point that it had was that it is organic. My Dunkin Donuts coffee is definitely not organic, but if they did make an organic blend, I would buy it.

Today is Day #3 of trying to choke down this horrible cup of coffee. It's a pretty bad addiction when you have to have something so bad that you'll drink it even if it does taste like dirt. (and I mean that literally, it tastes like someone put dirt in my coffee pot and poured hot water through it). I continue to drink. Maybe it will grow on me? Maybe my taste buds are just getting used to it? No. It's a horrible tasting coffee and I really hope that I'm not the only one who thinks so. I can't even describe how bad it is.

I will finish this cup, work out and then be off to the grocery to buy my beloved Dunkin Donuts "Dunkin Dark" blend.  This other stuff, however, is going in the garbage.

How many candles?

I have always had a long list of "wants". I can remember my dad telling me when I was young that I "want" too much. Looking back over the years I have had a lot of "wants". Some that I have gotten and some that I haven't. They are materialistic items. Things that can be bought with the money that we work for. Why should we only save our money for when we are older? I do agree that saving is good, but sometimes you have to live your life for the moment and spoil yourself. Reward yourself.

My list isn't very long. However, it is a little expensive.  My birthday is coming up and I wanted to blog about the different items that I'd love to have. I don't necessarily believe I will get them, but that's why we call it a wish list.

For a while now I have been wanting some Chuck's. I was at the mall last week and tried them on, just so I could be sure of my size. Of course I'd love to have 3 or 4 pairs of them, but I've settled on designing my own (just 1 pair) and this is what I've come up with...

They are adorable and have all of my favorite colors on them! They even have my name on the side! Love them!

I love taking pictures. I love being in the pictures. I have thousands and thousands of pictures on my external hard drive and hope to continue adding them. Currently I have a Sony Cybershot touchscreen camera that I've been playing with for the past couple of years. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with it. If it's sunny outside it takes beautiful pictures. If we are indoors, not so much. It sucks. We have several really crappy photos that I wish looked better.

I've been begging Paul to buy a digital SLR camera for some time. The toss up is between a Canon and a Nikon. I think that Canon is going to win. I have more friends with Canon's and they have all told me that they are very user friendly. Not to mention a little bit cheaper than the Nikon. The Canon I am currently looking at is the Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi 12.2MP and it comes with a starter kit and tripod! Score!

She's beautiful and I'm already falling in love with her. Hmmmmm, now I just have to think of a name....

For my 16th birthday my mom and dad bought me a pair of Justin/George Strait Roper boots. They were burgundy and I loved them. Unfortunately I lost them somewhere in the divorce that I like to call "fire". I lost a lot of things in that fire. My piano, boots, clothes, kitchen appliances, furniture, etc. Oh well.....Hopefully I can get them all back someday, and made with new memories.

While shopping in Scottsdale with Audrey in October, we ventured into Saba's Western Wear. They had shelves and shelves of boots. Cheap ones, expensive ones, ugly ones, totally cute ones and of course ones that I fell in love with. I have searched and searched online for the ones that I loved and can't find them. However, I have found a few pairs that I like just as much!

These boots are both the right color, height, the toe is perfect!  

What girl doesn't love Tiffany jewelry? I'm sure they exist but not in this household. My first bit of Tiffany jewelry was given to me by Paul when we were first dating. He had gone to Las Vegas with some friends for one of the Supercross races. I had to stay behind and study for tests that I had at work. When he came home he gave me a beautiful Tiffany necklace that I wear all the time. I love it.  For my 28th birthday I decided to buy myself a birthday present. I went to Tiffany's with Paul and Joey and bought myself a ring. I wear it most days on my right hand middle finger and it reminds me of the times I worked hard in my life. At the time I bought it I was working a lot. Graveyard shift, swing-shift and most of the time 60-70 hrs a week. That's a lot when you consider the work I was doing. I've forever had this necklace on my wish-list. Well, at least for the last 6 years. It's expensive and I don't ever hold my breath for it, but one of these days I'm going to get it. Whether I have to buy it for myself or it's given to me as a gift.

The watch I wear was given to me for Christmas in 1998. If you do the math you can figure out that RC was the one to give that watch to me. It's a nice watch. Bulova. But....everytime I put it on, I think of the fact that HE gave it to me and it makes me want to puke. I've been on the hunt for a watch for a while and have found a few in stores that I like. I know that I want a white one and I want it to be a little bit oversized. I have to have my bling right? I'd love a Nixon watch, but....yah, not going to spend $2,000 on a watch. These are cute though!



I love to cook. Now that I'm not working and have more time to spend in the kitchen. Slowly but surely I've been adding to my kitchen appliance inventory, but still don't have a juicer. I have a lemon tree and beautiful lemons but no juicer to make lemonade!

These are just a few of the big ticket items that I have on my wants list. There are so many other smaller items I can add to my list, such as clothing from Fox, OneIndustries, or even my beloved VS. I'm not about to go and find all of the cutsie little outfits and ensembles and post pictures of them. I'm constantly downloading music from iTunes and someday hope to get an iMac.

My iPhone is getting a little mad at me. I've had this same INCIPIO case on her since December 2008. I've been eyeing a new case for a while now at the Apple store but just can't justify buying a new one when my pink one works just fine. However, I'm still in love with it...

I can't believe how long my list has gotten. I hope that in just a few weeks I can cross of at least one or two of the items on my list! With my birthday, Valentine's day and our wedding anniversary coming up I'm sure to get some fun gifts! Even if I get NONE of these items I will still be happy just to get to spend the evening with my son and husband. (as long as they at least buy me a birthday cake, or better yet, cook one!)

Crack!

In October of 2008, shortly after we moved to Arizona, I was introduced to two wonderful people. Dr's Jon & Kori Sprintz. They have their own Chiropractic practice called Health for Life Chiropractic in Mesa, Az. I was never too keen on the whole philosophy of chiropractic treatment, probably because my dad always talked bad about it. Saying that Of course the more you get your back cracked the more you have to go and the more money they make from you....

I definitely have a different view of it all now, after 15 months of treatment. I have known since I was 12 that I have minor scoliosis in my spine. I have always had back pains and it only got worse when I was pregnant with Joey. I really just learned to live with it. It wasn't anything that really could be fixed and I just thought I was supposed to be in pain all of the time because that was just part of life. After quite a few years filled with stress, getting married, moving to a different state, I thought I would have an open mind when listening to my friend Sara tell me about Jon & Kori.

My consultation appointment was a little bit emotional for me. They took X-rays of my spine and a computerized nerve scan. When Dr. Kori was showing me my X-ray it then hit me why my back hurts so much all of the time. It's crooked.  After explaining to me what chiropractic care could do for me, Paul and I decided to try it.

At first, I was going 2-3 times a week and it was painful. Dr. Jon was basically retraining my muscles and my spine to a new position. A few times, he would adjust me and by the time I got home, my bones had snapped back to where they thought they should be and it would cause my ribs to be out of alignment. That was painful. After a few weeks of that I could feel my body starting to adjust to it's new range of motion and positioning. I was working out more, stretching more and even got a few massages to help ease the muscle pain.

Now, it's been 15 months and I'm only going in for an adjustment once, sometimes twice a month. I feel great. I still get occasional back pain but not nearly as bad as it used to be. When it does start to hurt I do more of the stretching exercises that they taught me and it always helps. Not only does going in to see them make my back feel better but it also helps my mood. They are always so upbeat and happy and positive thinking. It has been an enlightening experience to learn about how my spine and nerves work and made great new friends in the process!

I went in to their office today with a smile and left with an even bigger one. I think I am even a little bit taller too!

Stormy night & a glass of wine.

Thoughts flow through my mind, I try to analyze but can't.

I sit and think of all the times you made me smile,  and all the times you didn't.

Days turn to night and night to day, with each passing minute your memory never fades.

My heart is whole with thoughts of you, missing only your touch.

I dream of what may be, and smile deep inside my soul.

Knowing that you think I am beautiful, gets me through it all.

Twenty Days.

I still can't believe that in just twenty days I will be the beautiful age of 30.  Still nothing is planned and I have a feeling this birthday will be spent just like all of the others. Just another day. I was really looking forward to my parents coming for the weekend to visit, but my mom called today and said they won't be able to come afterall. Then, I had high hopes that Audrey, my cousin was going to be coming to spend a week with me and she too can't make it. I completely understand in both situations why they can't come visit, but I have to admit I am sad about it.  Not that I don't want to spend the day with Joey and Paul, but I was really really really really looking forward to seeing my closest family.

Moving on.

It's an unusually stormy day here in the valley of the sun. I thought that living in the "Valley of the Sun" meant that all days were sunny, with beautiful blue skies, and birds chirping. It has been raining off and on since 4am this morning and when it rains, it's a down pour. The wind is howling around the house and the lake level in the backyard is rising.

I'm not really one to like rainy weather. I remember a couple winters ago in California, it rained for 33 days. Not fun and I don't miss that. I do love a good storm, as long as it only lasts a day or so. Anything more than that I get antsy. I need my natural vitamin D. During the summer we did get quite a few monsoon storms, but those really don't last long and they are so entertaining that I don't think much about the fact that it's raining. This week however has been strange. We have had a couple of rainy days and it's been cold. Yes, I do think 55 degrees is cold. It's especially cold when you have to go to the grocery store in it.

While at the grocery store, I picked up the latest People Magazine. I wanted to read the featured story on Heidi Montag and her "Obsession with plastic surgery". As I'm reading the first pages of the article, I'm really disgusted. Ten procedures in just one day? She has said she did it because "We all want to feel attractive, and who is anyone to judge me?". Does she really think that having all of these procedures are what make her attractive? I really do want to know who (if there is anyone out there) actually finds her to be an intelligent individual. After watching the first 5 seasons of MTV's The Hills I don't think plastic surgery is going to make her any more attractive. Her personality has shot all hopes of attractiveness, in my opinion.

As I'm reading more of the article I am actually feeling sorry for her and myself. She said it right that yes, we all want to be "attractive" but what really makes us attractive? I too have always wanted to be beautiful. I always compared myself to my friends and always wanted to have clearer skin, smoother hair, bigger breasts, a smaller nose, smaller eyebrows and who knows what else I obsessed over during the last 29 years. Did this obsession cause me to have multiple surgeries? No. I have accepted myself for who I am and have learned to see the beauty in what I do have.  I have had one surgery, and that was 8 years ago. I do not regret it and I am still happy with that decision I made.  It hasn't changed how I view myself though.

It is so sad to me to see what society does to some of these young "characters" (I won't call her an actress because she isn't one). If only everyone could just be beautiful in their own skin and not have to spend millions of dollars on plastic surgery. I really do feel sorry for her, that she feels she is so ugly that she has to "build" her body and face to look like a barbie doll. Listening to a clip of her interview made me sad for her and thankful for myself at the same time. I am turning 30 soon and while I may complain about my nose, and my acne scarred skin, I do love who I am and what I look like. It's what makes me, me.

This post isn't to be putting someone else down to feel better about myself. I am not judging her. I am really just trying to write through my confusion of what attractiveness and beauty really is. It shouldn't be what TV producers and movie executives lay out in writing, it should be in the way you walk, the way you carry yourself, and being the best YOU that you can be.

The crow & the butterfly.

This weekend went by amazingly fast. As I sit and try to think of all that went on my mind is flooded with answers.  It is so hard to believe that today is already January 18. The month is more than half over and every day is getting closer to the big 3-0.

My family and I are huge fans of AMA Supercross. We love riding dirt bikes of our own and really love watching the races week after week. Last weekend marked the start of the season in Anaheim for Round 1. It was an exciting race and felt so good to watch it with our friends in Yuma. They are into the racing just as much as we are, if not more. I guess you could say that for me personally, Supercross is my football, or basketball. I learn about the riders, follow their injuries and lap times and root for my favorites every week.

Saturday, the 16th, was Round 2 here in Phoenix at Chase Stadium. Of course we bought tickets, and of course we went. We have gone every year for the past 5 years. (actually my 2nd date with Paul was to Supercross in San Francisco back in 2006). Part of the whole experience is getting to the stadium early and walking through "the pits" and going inside to watch the riders practice. We got there right at about 12:45 and went straight into the pits to see the riders hanging out by their bikes, mechanics working on the bikes, families and friends sitting around visiting waiting for the big race later on in the night.

Our favorite rider is Ryan Dungey. Ryan won the AMA Supercross championship last year for the lites class (which means he was riding a 250) and this year has moved up to riding the "big bikes".  He did amazing at the first race last weekend, keeping pace with James Stewart  and taking 2nd place. This weekend in Phoenix he ended up winning 1st place. He's an amazing rider. He's also a very personable guy. We were fortunate enough to get to meet him and hang out with him for a bit after the race (thanks to my good friend Jason Curtis). He was just a normal kid who was excited he won and wanted to talk bikes with Paul. It was so refreshing to see a rising star be so personable and down to earth. He reminds me a lot of Travis Pastrana.

Back to the pits, while we were walking around we saw a friend of mine, Jason Curtis. We talked with him for a bit and one thing lead to another, we ended up spending a lot of time with him for the rest of the afternoon/evening. We didn't even sit in the seats that we bought. He came down to our seats with guest passes and we were able to come up to the Press Box to sit with him and a few of his friends. Those seats were pretty amazing. You could see the whole track and it was nice to be in good company. Not to mention the seats were cushioned instead of hard plastic. It was thanks to him that we had an even better experience at the race and were able to meet Ryan Dungey afterwards. It was definitely a night I'll never forget. Joey was so excited as well. Afterall, Ryan Dungey switched to #5 this year for the big bikes....that's Joey's number!

Saturday came and went. When we got home we were greeted by our friends from Yuma who were also at the race. They were sitting in a completely different section that we couldn't even get to with the tickets we had. Had a great dose of toddler on Saturday night and I didn't want the night to end. I was amped up and went to bed with a smile.

Sunday brought feelings and emotions that I didn't know existed. My friend Tennille likes to run marathons. She had signed up for the PF Chang's Rock & Roll Marathon here in Phoenix and not only was it a marathon, it was the Ultra Marathon. I had never been to a marathon of any sort and really didn't know what to expect. She had little baggies that she had given to me and a map of where to meet her at different markers on the course. When I got to the first meeting point, it was mile 13. (Actually I believe 16 or 17 for her since she was doing the Ultra). As she approached me, tears filled my eyes and I felt like a proud mother. She is a really good friend of mine and I am so proud of what she was doing. There were so many people running. People standing on the sidelines cheering, it touched me. I'm not exactly sure why or how yet but I know it did. Not sure if I was feeling like a failure because I wasn't out there doing that and I complain at even running 1/2 mile? My friend was running 31 miles!!!!

I met up with her again at mile 20 and she was starting to get pretty sore and tired. I had walked against the runners for a bit so I could speed walk along side her for a while. I'm not sure if it helped her at all or not, but I know it felt good to be supporting her. After we parted ways again, I rushed to the finish line. Parking in the area was horrible. I finally made it the finish line and had plenty of time to spare. Stood on the sidelines watching as many runners passed through the finish line. 1st time runners, vet runners, full marathon, ultra marathon, 77 year old runners. I couldn't believe that there were 30,000 people running in this marathon. That's an amazing amount of people. So many of them working so hard to reach the finish line. It was an amazing experience that I honestly don't even know how to put into words yet.

Now it's Monday and it's rainy outside. I don't really miss the gloomy days of California. I love the sunny days that kiss my skin. I'm hearing that we are supposed to get this weather for a full week and I'm not really looking forward to that. I was hoping to get outside and work in my backyard a bit, trim some palms and just read my book with the sun shining down on me. I guess it would be better if it was actually raining and not just cloudy and cold. Maybe it's time to bake some more yummy cookies??

Just a little bit of patience

Sometimes when something is frustrating you, all you need to do is take a step back, have some patience and try to approach it again. I had Joey take a break from his writing assignment, he ate some dinner and then I sat down with him again. I sat with him while he brainstormed some ideas, thought of some positive words and then formed sentences. He wrote his rough draft, I corrected it and really only changed 1 or 2 words, added some commas and this is the final draft.

Dear Camden,

Our school Basha Elementary, is having a reading challenge. The challenge is to read as many books as possible between January 6 and March 31. If our school wins, the library will be given $15,000. The Basha school library will be able to purchase a numerous amount of new books with the prize money.  One of the benefits of reading several books is that it can make you read faster which allows you to read more books. Another benefit of reading is that it can make you smarter. You should set a goal for reading so that if you accomplish the goal you feel completed. The are many benefits to reading as many books as you can.

Your friend,

Joe

I think he did a pretty good job. It was a much nicer letter than the first one he wrote. It's amazing what happens when we have just a little bit of patience.

It's really not that difficult. Is it?

How do you force someone to write that has no interest in doing so? How do you teach someone to write a simple assignment? Joey is sitting here in tears, because he doesn't want to write a persuasive letter. He has been given a homework assignment that is making him so upset. I honestly don't know what to do, how to handle it or how to teach him to read the directions and just do it.

The assignment states that he must write a persuasive letter to a friend persuading them to read a book for a book challenge at school. In this letter he needs to include 3 persuasive reasons to encourage the reader to participate. He needs to use positive and inspirational words making the student want to accept the challenge. Doesn't sound so hard right? Is it because I love to write that it seems easy to me?

I really don't know how to teach him how to write. I'm not sure how I learned but I know that from a young age I loved to write. At one point, I believe 5th or 6th grade, I entered an essay contest and even won 2nd or 3rd place.  I could understand if this assignment was very hard. Maybe a 4 page paper with paragraphs and opening sentences and all of that good stuff. But, it's not. It's a simple letter. I just don't get it and I don't know how to help him.

Paul hates reading and writing. He's an engineer so it's math math math all the way. It's apparent that Joey has the same type of mind. I think I'm going to let Paul handle this assignment and help him on it...

Tilt your head just a little to the left, your other left

Photo shoot went great. It was a night full of new experiences, new faces and dogs. I was scheduled to be there from 9:30PM until 1:40AM. I arrived at 9:20 and immediately met with the makeup artist so she could get started on my makeup. Thank goodness for her because I broke out a little bit the day of (go figure) and she is amazing. Made my skin look like porcelain! When she was done, it was time to get dressed. My outfit was hot. Well, not really. I had horribly uncomfortable black "work" shoes, black flat front pants (that didn't fit my frame well at all), a blue long sleeve cotton shirt and a lovely Petsmart smock! Yes, I was stylin and I loved every minute of it! My role for the whole shoot was a "Groomer or Associate" and it was so much fun! Every shot we did was with an animal and the animal I was paired with was a beautiful 9 month old golden retriever name Ziva. (Not sure how to spell it but it's pronounced like diva with a "z").

By the time 1:40AM turned into 5:30AM I was ready to go home. My feet were killing me, my back hurt and my head was spinning after being up for 24 hours. It was so worth it though, and I would do it all over again one million times! It was the funnest experience and I learned so much about the "industry". It was definitely an eye opener and also a pat on the back for being cast for the part.

Now, it's Wednesday morning and I feel as though I'm coming down with a cold. No bueno. Our friends in Yuma had a bit of a cold this weekend while were visiting and I think that the lack of sleep yesterday (a whopping 3 hours) hasn't done much good for my immune system. I drank some airborn and am blowing my nose like crazy, all the while praying to the get well Gods "I'm not going to get sick, not going to get sick".

My lemons are ready.

It's hard to believe it's been almost a full year since I bought my first lemon tree. My brother helped me pick it out when he and my parents came to visit in March of 2009. I've watched as the flowers blossomed and turned into little green buds, which have now developed into beautiful bright yellow lemons! Maybe I do have a green thumb after all?? It smells so beautiful and I hope that as the years go on, it grows and I can pick many lemons from it!

This weekend was fantastic. It's so refreshing to spend time with friends that you don't see that often. Especially when they have a two year old that you can spoil and play with and then....hand back ;) We rode our dirt bikes in the desert two days in a row. I really do enjoy desert riding and must say that it is definitely my favorite terrain for riding. Joey wasn't so sure about it at first and always complained when we rode in the sand but after this weekend, he's loving it too!! It's such a nice feeling to see him so happy and at the end of the day look at Paul and I and say "Thank you so much. Can we come back here again??". It's amazing how well his manners are developing and to see him try new things.

The drive to Yuma, Az really wasn't bad at all! We will be doing that more often. It was really nice to be on the road with Paul again. When we lived in California we were always taking weekend road trips. Mostly to Tahoe, but I really had missed that time in the car with him. Good music, good conversation and Joey laughing in the background to whatever DVD he watching. Sometimes all you need in life is a little vacation. A get away from the day to day life that sometimes drags you down. I think that after this weekend, both Paul and I are feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever comes next!

The countdown is official. In one month I will be 30 years old. Yikes! I'm really not sure what we are going to be doing for my birthday. I'm hoping that my parents are able to come visit as well as my cousin Audrey. I don't really want a party but I would love to have those closest to me around to celebrate such a milestone. It is a milestone right? Actually, what exactly is a milestone?

I believe a milestone is a certain point in your life, or a journey. It's a breaking point. You know, at the age of 13 you become a "teenager" and then when you turn 18 you are "adult". At the lovely age of 21 you are able to buy alcohol. Everyone refers to "30" as Dirty 30 but other than that, what is it described as? You are already an adult, you can buy alcohol and pretty much do anything your heart desires. Is it a time in your life that you can just look back and reflect and make changes so that the next ten years are even better than the last? Does it mean you are starting to get old?

Wikipedia describes milestone as "one of a series of numbered markers placed along a road or boundary  at intervals of one mile or occasionally parts of a mile".  Does that mean the same thing can apply to life? As we are born, there is a set road that we set out on and at each mile we reach a new stone? I believe that the stone I am about to find next month is going to be a beautiful one and each one after more beautiful than the last.  This road with numbered markers really can be compared to life. Sometimes the road is very long and straight (& boring) and all you see are cow fields. Before you know it you are on a beautiful winding road through the mountains or along the cliffs that drop off to the beach. When the road turns to a gravel road, it can make the journey seem so bumpy and last that much longer causing you to  have to approach it with caution and make sure you stay on the right path.  I am happy to be on the long desert highway with beautiful mountains in the distance. Not too many bumps in the road, a few twists and turns here and there and all the while, leading me to my next milestone.

Official.

I have moved my blog. Well, not really moved it but I have started a new one at Wordpress. I still love blogger and am going to keep this one and who knows I may even throw in some random blogs here and there. I follow a lot of friends blogs here so I'll be back to see them, but as far as my writing goes.... you'll find that at http://renegerbi.wordpress.com

Happy Reading!

Opportunities not missed.

A couple of weeks ago I received an email for a casting alert. Stated that they were looking for several different roles, the one that caught my eye was that of a "Caucasian Female". I've done a little bit of modeling over the past 10 years and would really like to get back into it (with the other thousands of Americans). I submitted a photo and quickly received a reply email asking if I could come to an audition. They said the audition would consist of having my picutre taken. I went to the audition. I didn't want to go, was chickening out at the last minute, telling Paul (my adoring husband) that, "I shouldn't go, it's not like I'm going to get the part". He made me go. Loaded up Joey in the car and drove me into Phoenix for my "audition".

When we got there, there were a few other people there. No, actually more than a few. More like 10. Men and women and I knew there had probably been more all day. I filled out the paperwork they gave me, wrote my name in big black letters across a blank sheet of paper and waited. When I was called in to the audition room by the casting director I really didn't know what to expect. She had me stand on the black dot in front of a green screen and smile (while holding my sheet of paper with my name on it just below my chin like a mug shot). She took a profile shot and a full body shot and that was it. No more, just "Thanks for coming, have a good day!".

I received a call yesterday from another associate at the casting agency and couldn't believe the news he delivered to me. The client likes me.

I still can't really believe it and maybe it's dumb or meaningless to some, but to me it's means a lot. I am "booked" for my photoshoot on Monday and am really excited. I love being behind the camera and my dad has always joked about me being a cheese. Whenever anyone would get out a camera, there I was with my big ol grin jumping in front of the photo. Looking at pictures from when I was a little girl, I've been that way since I could walk and recognize what a camera was. So yes, to me, this means a lot. It's a national print ad and a company that everyone knows.

I consider myself lucky to have the husband that I do. He knows what I want and pushes me to go after it. Without him, I would have never gone to that audition and would have missed this opportunity to get my face out there. I'm so happy that I have him in my life.

New Year, New Blog.

I said I was going to do some "udpating" didn't I?? Well.... I've decided to move my blog, once I get it up and going I will post the new link.

I'm excited and feeling fantastic about what's to come...

And so it begins.

So, I'm guessing this is my 2nd post in my new blog. I am still trying to get used to this different layout and I do say, I'm liking it more and more each minute I spend here.

When I was a little girl, I always had a diary. One with Cinderella painted on the front with a lock on the side so no one could read it. I kept my inner most secrets there. As I got older I wrote more and more, although these diaries didn't have Cinderella on them, they were basic journals that had a ribbon attached so that you could mark your spot. I love to write. I may not be that great at it but it's something I love. I still keep a paper journal where I write down thoughts of my own and quotes that I hear or read. It makes me smile and it's something I hope no one ever takes away from me. Again.

Here, you will meet Joe. He was my high school sweetheart and is now who I refer to as RC. (the meaning behind "RC" I will keep to myself).  Most of the time it turns out that I write more when I am angry or upset. I'd prefer it be the other way around, as I'd rather document happy moments in my life and milestones, rather than arguments and nights of endless tears. The six years I was married to RC, I had piles and piles of diaries....Need I say more?  We were married when I turned 18 and due to him being in the US Army , we moved to the beautiful island of Oahu. I had no idea what I was about to encounter. A year later Joey was born at the beautiful pink building most military families know of as "Tripler". (very beautiful hospital).

A lot happened over the the next few years and I plan on writing about them. Just not today. Not now.

2000

2001

2002

2003

2004... After years of being unhappy and growing up and growing apart, I left RC for a better life. One without fights and infidelities and lies. Joey and I moved back to my home state of California and I began my journey as a single mom. (I'll get into some of that later I'm sure)

It seems over the last six years I have lost touch with my writing. Thank goodness my mom printed up my diary that I once had on "opendiary.com" so that I could forever cherish the 9 months while carrying Joey in my belly.  I've written here and there and even kept somewhat of a blog at http://renegerbi.blogspot.com , but it has never felt like "home". I started it during a time when I was working graveyard shift and needing an outlet to help keep me sane (and awake). Despite many efforts of trying to write and let my feelings out, I am giving up. This is my new home. Starting fresh with the new year. The amazing year that I feel ahead.

I hope to write about relationships with my friends, family and husband. Document the growth of my almost pre-teen soon and maybe a few funny stories about my four legged daughters. (a.k.a. My cats Lily & Dot) In doing this, I have high hopes that it will help me learn from my mistakes, explore new ideas, and most all, make me smile.

Hello world!

Welcome to Wordpress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!

The year for finding myself.

I guess I can still consider myself lost. In a little over a month I'll be turning 30 and I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. Of course, there are dreams of acting and modeling but is that really attainable? Yes, I've thought of going back to dispatch (hate the idea) and I've also thought a little about going to school to become a nurse. Nothing really stands out to me and makes me feel like I want to chase after it as a life long career. I used to feel that way, and I no longer do.

So, I'm taking this time to really "find myself". Such an overused phrase that I thought I could use as well. When thinking about it I wonder though, what does it really mean to "find yourself"? I know who I am and what I look like, what I stand for, what makes me smile and what doesn't. The feeling I would like to have is being excited to get out of bed in the morning with the hopes of doing something aspiring. Something that makes my heart flutter, my palms sweaty and gets me a little giddy inside. That is what I am looking for. I have had a taste of it a few times in my past and I want it back. This time for good.

Turning over a new leaf, starting fresh with new secret goals on the horizon. No, not New Year's Resolutions (because I don't believe in setting unattainable goals) but new personal gratification goals. Things that deep down inside only I know about and know that when I accomplish it, it makes me happy.... I'm in high hopes that while doing this, I truly do, find myself.