Twenty Days.

I still can't believe that in just twenty days I will be the beautiful age of 30.  Still nothing is planned and I have a feeling this birthday will be spent just like all of the others. Just another day. I was really looking forward to my parents coming for the weekend to visit, but my mom called today and said they won't be able to come afterall. Then, I had high hopes that Audrey, my cousin was going to be coming to spend a week with me and she too can't make it. I completely understand in both situations why they can't come visit, but I have to admit I am sad about it.  Not that I don't want to spend the day with Joey and Paul, but I was really really really really looking forward to seeing my closest family.

Moving on.

It's an unusually stormy day here in the valley of the sun. I thought that living in the "Valley of the Sun" meant that all days were sunny, with beautiful blue skies, and birds chirping. It has been raining off and on since 4am this morning and when it rains, it's a down pour. The wind is howling around the house and the lake level in the backyard is rising.

I'm not really one to like rainy weather. I remember a couple winters ago in California, it rained for 33 days. Not fun and I don't miss that. I do love a good storm, as long as it only lasts a day or so. Anything more than that I get antsy. I need my natural vitamin D. During the summer we did get quite a few monsoon storms, but those really don't last long and they are so entertaining that I don't think much about the fact that it's raining. This week however has been strange. We have had a couple of rainy days and it's been cold. Yes, I do think 55 degrees is cold. It's especially cold when you have to go to the grocery store in it.

While at the grocery store, I picked up the latest People Magazine. I wanted to read the featured story on Heidi Montag and her "Obsession with plastic surgery". As I'm reading the first pages of the article, I'm really disgusted. Ten procedures in just one day? She has said she did it because "We all want to feel attractive, and who is anyone to judge me?". Does she really think that having all of these procedures are what make her attractive? I really do want to know who (if there is anyone out there) actually finds her to be an intelligent individual. After watching the first 5 seasons of MTV's The Hills I don't think plastic surgery is going to make her any more attractive. Her personality has shot all hopes of attractiveness, in my opinion.

As I'm reading more of the article I am actually feeling sorry for her and myself. She said it right that yes, we all want to be "attractive" but what really makes us attractive? I too have always wanted to be beautiful. I always compared myself to my friends and always wanted to have clearer skin, smoother hair, bigger breasts, a smaller nose, smaller eyebrows and who knows what else I obsessed over during the last 29 years. Did this obsession cause me to have multiple surgeries? No. I have accepted myself for who I am and have learned to see the beauty in what I do have.  I have had one surgery, and that was 8 years ago. I do not regret it and I am still happy with that decision I made.  It hasn't changed how I view myself though.

It is so sad to me to see what society does to some of these young "characters" (I won't call her an actress because she isn't one). If only everyone could just be beautiful in their own skin and not have to spend millions of dollars on plastic surgery. I really do feel sorry for her, that she feels she is so ugly that she has to "build" her body and face to look like a barbie doll. Listening to a clip of her interview made me sad for her and thankful for myself at the same time. I am turning 30 soon and while I may complain about my nose, and my acne scarred skin, I do love who I am and what I look like. It's what makes me, me.

This post isn't to be putting someone else down to feel better about myself. I am not judging her. I am really just trying to write through my confusion of what attractiveness and beauty really is. It shouldn't be what TV producers and movie executives lay out in writing, it should be in the way you walk, the way you carry yourself, and being the best YOU that you can be.