Story.

Sometimes I get all caught up in the day to day life and forget to do the little stuff, like pick my nose. How can I forget to do that?

Not sure why but somehow I stumbled upon a Maroon 5 song that I hadn't heard before. I love it. And here are the lyrics...

Do you mean all the things you are?

Are you pleased with the way things are?

Wear that dress to protect this scar,

That only I have seen.

Do you give just to please yourself?

Do you wish you were somewhere else?

Justified all the things you tried,

said that it was all for me.

And be near,

Just for the moment,

Stay here,

Never go home.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?

So it goes, the story of a broken heart comes true,

It comes true.

Have you learned all the secrets yet?

Will you burn by the things I've said?

Took the dive just to feel alive,

but never heard the truth.

Now I'm in love but I don't know how

I'm in pain cause I want it now

As I sit watching her eyes close,

I slowly open mine.

And be near,

Just for the moment,

Stay here,

Never go home.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?

So it goes, the story of a broken heart comes true, comes true.

I am so confused by this.

I know that life is hit or miss.

Days are stung by too much sun,

I think that you may be the one.

Cover yourself up in me,

Shrouded in what could have been.

I will listen to your pain,

if you listen to me.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?

So it goes, as the story of a broken heart comes true,

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?

And I know, the story of a broken heart comes True,

Come true,

True,

It comes true,

True.

I'm not sure what Christmas brings this year but I'll be sure to every healthy moment of it with my family. My husband and my son. The two people who love me unconditionally and will never leave my side. I have so many words to get out but am still having trouble getting them to ...flow.

to be continued...

Catching Up.

A lot has been going on over the past couple of weeks and I don't even know where to begin! We had company for Thanksgiving, they left, we went back to our regular scheduled programming and now it's already December 7 and I can't figure out why the heck time is going by so fast?

This year was our "1st Thanksgiving" as hosts. It was fabulous. I was really pleased with our turkey, all of the side dishes I made and the good company that surrounded us. Everyone seemed to enjoy the afternoon/evening and all in all it was a success! The only thing missing was Joey. He was in Florida with his dad and grandparents for the holiday weekend. He had fun, however, got a little too spoiled. Ugh. Nothing I can do about that except show him how much we love him and let him know that it's not ok to eat chocolate everyday and not brush your teeth. (but we won't talk about all of that....)

Joey had his first band concert for 5th grade on December 1. It was so cute! Brought back so many of my GOOD memories of being in band as I grew up. It was always so much fun and I will never forget some of the friends I made and the lessons I learned. I still remember my band teacher Mrs. Snyder. She was a hoot!

This past weekend was so great. Joey and I went to the movies on Friday night for a Momma-son date to see "The Christmas Carol". It was cute. Same story, obivoulsy, but the 3D animation was a lot of fun! Jim Carrey is always a pleasure to watch in movies as well. His humor always gets me laughing. Saturday morning Joey had his last soccer game of the season. So happy that is over. I think he was getting a little burnt out by the whole thing, not to mention I was a little burnt out by a certain mom. (again, something we won't discuss here). After Joey's soccer game we went to Chander Subaru to meet...... Travis Pastrana!!!!!!!!!!!!! When Paul's cousin Stacie told me he was going to be there for the day signing autographs I instantly knew I had to be there! I LOVE HIM and have always wanted to meet him. The best part was that he 100% lived up to my expectations. He was so charming and nice, down to earth, sociable and not stuck up like so many of the other "celebrities". Joey was really stoked to meet him as well, as he is one of his idols. I think Joey (& I) would give ANYTHING to just hang out and ride with him for a day. After spending the afternoon hanging out with him we went home to get ready for the Phoenix Suns vs Sacramento Kings BBall game. Something else I had been looking forward to for quite some time. When we lived in California, Paul and his brother had season tickets to the games so we went to quite a few. I really have missed basketball games and was so happy to go! It was def a different feeling though being almost the only Kings fan at US AIWAYS Center. It's ok, we still cheered them on (& they lost).

Aside from my daily schedule I have a lot going on in my mind and my heart. Trying to sort life out and take it one day at a time. I'm enjoying it as I go and am trying to make a difference. The answers will come to me, I just know it.

Seriously? Has it been that long?

Well....I guess I slipped up a bit. Has been a while since I last wrote. Have been out of the "writing mode" lately and doing other things with my time. I will catch up again...

Hard to believe it is Thanksgiving in just 3 days. Joey will be leaving on Wednesday to go spend the long holiday weekend with his dad. I will really miss having him here with us for our feast, but, I know he will have fun at Disney World.

We have had a lot of company this past month and it feels great! My soulmate, aka cousin Audrey came to visit and I couldn't have been happier. I love her so much and wish that we could live closer again. We click and have so much in common. This past weekend Paul's brother and wife arrived on Friday. We had so much fun! I didn't realize how much my sister-in-law and I had in common! I love her!!! I'm glad we finally got to bond...They left early this morning but will be back on Friday morning for another few days. Our good friends Heidi & Cody are supposed to be driving down here for the holiday weekend as well and to teach us how to deep fry a turkey. I can't wait!!! I miss them so much!

I really don't have a lot to write about. Well, that's a lie. I do, I'm just too lazy to put it into words and make my fingers type. Maybe later....

Loving the remake of "Bad Company" by 5 Finger Death Punch

When the doorbell rang I had a rush of excitement overwhelm me. When I opened the door and saw them all standing there, I couldn't help but smile. My Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunt and Uncle all came to visit for the day. They are vacationing in Sedona, AZ which is only about 2 1/2 hours away. When they arrived I felt so complete. I had the most wonderful day with them. We went to lunch at Jason's Deli and then I gave them a little tour of our "stompin grounds" here in the desert. They really enjoyed it, I think. When Joey got home from school, he showed them his musical talents. He played a few songs on his bell kit, his recorder and then even did his HipHop dance for them. He was just as excited to see them as I was.

We spent the afternoon playing a game called "TopsUp" and it was really fun! It's exactly how I remember time with my family. Such good qualities, humor, togetherness and love. When Paul got home from work we visited some more and then decided instead of cooking to have Pizza. My Grandpa and I went to pick it up and then we added a bit of a green salad and fruit salad to the menu. It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for anything more. (of course we were watching MNF as well....)

I believe it was about 8pm when they decided it was probably best that they head back north. We were all comfy on the couch and I didn't want to get up. I knew it was going to be hard. We had been so busy all day and had been visiting so much we didn't even taken any pictures! Me! The picture person didn't even taken any!!! As soon as goodbyes were said and they drove away, it hit me. As soon as I walked in the front door I broke down. I miss them already. I love them so much. It made me also miss my mom and dad and brother. And....of course I started thinking about Friday. Dreaded Friday of this week.

The week of Joey leaving is always really hard for me. I don't know if it's the anticipation of the coming weeks, or the fact that I just really really really don't want my son to go!! He gets really clingy and snuggly around the time that he leaves too. I feel so bad for him. I know he wants to stay but he's afraid to say anything to his dad. Oh well....I'm sure someday he will open up a little more. I'm so thankful for the love he has shown me and taught me. Being a parent is truly the most rewarding job/blessing there is.

Read this today in an email, I really liked what it said... Not sure who said it but... "Be Yourself. Everyone else is taken." I'll end with that....

I've been away.

From the computer that is. Spending more time outside and doing things I love! I'm feeling refreshed and renewed. I'm counting down the days until I get on the airplane and fly to my most favorite place in the United States. Hawaii. I can't wait. Going to see my friend April, who knows the real me, and get to spend a whole week with her and her boys. I just want to lay on the beach, with a book, or a favorite magazine and relax. The crashing waves do something inside of me that I can not explain. I love the ocean and someday I will live near it again.

While I'm trying to stay excited about my upcoming trip, I can't help but feel sadness about a couple of things. For one, Joey leaves next week to go spend 2 weeks with his dad. I usually do ok on the 2 week break, especially since I'll be in Hawaii, but....the worst part is, his dad is coming here. To Arizona. To Pick him up. Not good. I can't stand him and even hearing his voice on the phone makes my skin crawl, how am I supposed actually see him face to face??? Ugh, I'll be strong and be doing it for my son.

The job hunt is still on....I've applied with a couple different places and I'm really in no hurry. Still just searching for something that sparks my interest but I have completely decided, 100% that I am not going back to the Pd...not right now anyways.

14 days.....

Like a bandaid.

You know, when it's there, it makes you feel better. Maybe not physically, but it's all in your mind. The presence of it just gives a calming affect. When you know it's time for it to come off....you contemplate, is now the right time? Do I take it off slowly? Or really fast so I won't feel the pain as much? Fast. Always best to do fast. If you take it slow then you'll only end up hurting more... Kind of like friends. You keep them around because it feels comfortable. After a while, when you realize the friendship isn't really true, you start to think about "taking the bandaid off". With me, I may be a hard one to please. There is no gray area....it's all or nothing. Either you are in or you are out. There is no middle ground....

It hurts, yes. But....I know that it's better. For the best and most of all the RIGHT thing.

I break in two over you....

The best playlist ever.... thought I'd share.

1. "Beautiful" by 10 years
2. "Autumns Monologue" by From Autumn to Ashes
3. "I'm not gonna teach your Boyfriend how to dance" by Black Kids
4. "Johnny & June" by Heidi Newfield
5. "Love Remains the Same" by Gavin Rossdale
6. "Lets get Physical" by The Black Ghosts
7. "Living Room" by Tegan & Sara
8. "Cheater, Cheater" by Joey & Rory
9. "Dirty Dancing" by New Kids on The Block
10. "Go Easy" by The Laws
11. "Dirty Girl" by Atmosphere
12. "Please Do Not Let Me Go" by Ryan Adams
13. "Bad Things" by Jace Everett
14. "Always in your Mind" by Jennifer O'Connor
15. "Right Love, Wrong Time" by Anuhea
16. "Save Me" by All But Screaming
17. "You Belong to Me" by Steve Earle
18. "Do you Wish it was Me" by Jason Aldean
19. "Juice Box" by Gorilla Zoe

Angels.

Everyone has their demons. Everyone has their Angels. We may not always know who or what they are but they are with us, always. I have spent the last 5 years trying to find myself, figure out what makes me tick. Why? I'm not sure. Most people go through the days not even caring. I do. I always have. What makes us who we are? Is the experiences that we go through? The choices we make? Everything we do in life is driven by something. Desire. Emotions. Weakness. Feelings. Anger. We have to take our actions seriously and know that EVERYTHING has a consequence.

I don't know if I will ever find out what makes me do the things that I do, or makes me feel the way I feel. I don't even know if I want to know... I want to just keep living my life doing things that make me smile. We only get one life and I don't want to mess it up. Why should I deprive myself of the things that drive me to be a better person? I know who my angel is... and better yet, I know how to talk to him.

Funk.

I've been in a bit of a funk this week. Well, I take that back. WAS in a bit of a funk earlier this week. Yesterday was refreshing... maybe not to some, but it was to me. I needed it.

Sometimes I feel like a nut....

Sometimes I don't! Remember that song? For some reason, it is stuck in my head this morning. Hmmmm.... is my brain trying to tell me something?

Slept weird last night. Is that possible? I didn't sleep well, I didn't sleep bad, I slept weird. Weird dreams, woke up scared, had to pee and then psyched myself out and ran back to bed faster than the speed of light because I thought a ghost was chasing me. How old am I again? 29, oh right. Yes, I believe in ghosts.

Hard to believe that today is the 1 year mark of being "unemployed"....was thinking about it this morning it feels kind of nice. Not because I'm not working but because I am CHOOSING not to work. I didn't lose my job, I wasn't fired, I quit so that I could move to Arizona with my husband and make a better life. I am starting to get antsy though......hmmmm, to work? Or not to work?

I'm still about 50/50 on the idea of going back to dispatching. I miss it, on occasion. I don't miss the hours and days of the work week but I miss the excitement of answering 911 and NEVER knowing what is going to be said on the other line. I miss talking an officer through a high speed chase or reading a BOLO over the air when there is an armed suspect on the loose....hmmm....contemplating....

The decisions we make now are what pave the roads to our future.... I'm just not sure what kind of asphalt I want to use....

Whoa, a whole week?

I can't believe I went through a whole week without writing. (typing). Ok, maybe I can believe it. I have had a ton to say but nothing that I wanted to write about. Here anyways.

Yesterday I worked in Joey's 5th grade classroom. It was great. I had so much fun working one on one with the children and learning about them, helping them, and even disciplining a few of them. I can definitely say it was rewarding. A couple of the girls really took to my side and wanted to be my little "helpers". It was cute. It made me remember back when I was that age and a mom would come in to our classroom....I always wanted to be a part of something. A part of their "team" I guess. It's fun to know that kids look up to you and want to "be like you". (referring to my tattoo on my foot). I enjoyed seeing Joey in his classroom environment and am very happy to report he's such a good kid. Even when I'm not looking. I am truly proud of myself for raising such a beautiful boy and am going to continue to brag about him until the day I die! (of course, since he's my baby!!!).

I'm thinking about getting braces again. I had them for a few years back around 2001 or so. I hated them, but love what they did for my mouth and for my confidence. Over the past 7 years or so, my teeth have shifted on the top. No one noticed but me, and of course since I am such a freaking perfectionist, it bothers me to no end. I went to the orthodontist on Monday for an "initial evaluation" and to see what my options were to get my teeth back in place. I basicly have 2 options. I can get wire braces, again, for only about 6 months. Eh. It's only 6 months right? But man are they hideous....I don't want braces again :-/ My second option, which is about $1k more than the wire, is Invisilign. Possible..and much more doable in my day to day life. That, I would only have for about 5 months. At first I was thinking to myself, just deal with the way your teeth are, they are straight and straighter than most people out there! Just get over your darn self! But, I really have always wanted straight teeth. ALWAYS. And I had them, but now they are moving. The Ortho did say that he could put a permanent retainer on the top (as I already have one on the bottom and those teeth haven't moved at all). I really like that idea. So.....gotta really weigh out the whole situation and make a decision again.

I've been working out a lot this week and it sure helps my mood. It helps me get through the day to day battles I have with myself. There are things I just can't quite understand about myself and honestly, working out helps my brain think clearer. It's so addicting and I wish everyone could feel the same feeling I get from a good workout. It's almost like it's cleansing my body and ridding of any bad feelings I've had for the day. I miss my friends. Just a few to an extreme amount and I hope that I get to see them again soon...

I'm done. For today. Going to try to be better about this, really I am.

Olive juice.

More Randomness.

"Randomness" - is that even a word? Probably in the same dictionary as "Stampage".

1. My day absolutely has to start with a cup of coffee. No excuses. If it does not? Watch out.
2. I love Hot Tamales. They are my addiction. Maybe like a smoker needs a cig? I need HT.
3. I am a clean freak. When I am mad, I clean even more.
4. Was told I have a "Type A personality". Don't really understand what that entails anymore other than I am a ... perfectionist. I want everything perfect. EVERYTHING.
5. I make up words. Have been writing them down, going to write a book titled "Neneisms."
6. Will I always want things I can not have? Or will I continue to work towards getting those things I "can not have"??
7. I have a crush on Patrick Dempsey. He's so um, dreamy.
8. My favorite number is 19.
9. I prefer men to women friends. They are less drama and more straight forward. Unfortunately Paul doesn't like that so much.
10. I hope to own a horse, some day. I love horses. Always have.

to be cont'd....(at a later date).

Listening...

Wait for Me

By: Theory of a Deadman

You are not alone tonight

Imagine me there by your side

It's so hard to be here so far away from you

I'm counting the days till

I'm finally done

I'm counting them down, yeah, one by one

It feels like forever till I return to you

But it helps me on those lonely nights

It's that one thing that keeps me alive

Knowing that you wait for me

Ever so patiently

No one else knows the feeling inside

We hang up the phone without saying goodnight

Because it's the sound of your voice that brings me home

It's never been easy to say

But it's easier when I've gone away

Knowing that you wait for me

Ever so patiently

Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and

It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me

What I'd give

What I'd do

Knowing I'm not there for you

Makes it so hard to leave

What I'd give

What I'd do

Anything to get me home to you

And this time I'll stay

And you wait for me

Ever so patiently

Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and

It's everything I need from you just knowing that you wait for me

What day is it?

....the reason I ask is because Paul is at work. Again. He worked yesterday too. Missed Joey's 10th birthday party. Thank goodness I have such great friends, that helped me out. Without them, I would have been a mess. (Thank you to Stacie, Lisa, Sara & Al!!). I'm having a hard time today. I shouldn't be. I keep trying to tell myself, it's not that bad. My best friend April has to overcome a whole year without her husband. I need to shut up and stop complaining about Paul working so much.... learn to be thankful he isn't serving a 12 month tour in Kuwait.

This week was a busy wacky cooky one. Joey's birthday, the cats getting sick (which I'll visit in a moment), the Toby Keith/Trace Adkins concert and Joey's birthday party, which turned out to be a success afterall.

The cats are going to be ok. Turns out Dot has allergies and what happened to her nose was a severe reaction to a mosquito bite. Interesting....apparently the bump she's had her whole life is just a "deformity" and she'll always have it....So, I now have to give her an allergy pill (otc) and put fish oil on her food. Lily has a bladder problem. Had a very severe bladder infection and now has to be on a special diet for cats with bladder problems. Sigh...enough about that.

Trace Adkins and Toby Keith were awesome. As usual. I love both of them, not to mention they are HOT to look at :) They sing great songs and def put a great show for the crowd. Joey seemed to have fun. He was very tired, but still managed to stay awake until the end!

I feel as though I'm a single mom again. Paul is working so much and is hardly home. When he is home he's so tired. Yesterday hit me hard not having his help for the party. Sigh, not going to go on, might say something I dont want put out in public. Sigh.

Today Joey and I are just hanging out, relaxing. He has worked on homework, watched some cartoons, and now he is building legos. We wanted to go to the movies, but of course, Paul wants us to wait so he can go with us, so maybe next weekend. I'm grouchy. I'm going to stop writing because nothing is coming out right and just, yah.

Olive Juice.

I love my cats. I really do.

I've been needing to find a vet here in Arizona for the girls. They are about due for their annual checkup. It always sucks to have to find a new vet, it goes along with a new dentist, a new dr, a new everything....

So among my list of things to do today was to find the girls a new vet, mostly so Dot could get her nose checked out.

When she was just an itty bitty kitten, she had this black dot on her nose. She was born with it, hence her name, "Dot". Not to be confused with "Spot". (which is what some people call her). When I first took her to the vet they said "ahh, it's nothing, it should go away" and it did.....

There has always been a sort of "lump" on the bridge of her nose but just in the past few weeks the spot started to lose hair and grow larger. And purple. Like it was full of blood or something. She's usually pretty good and lets me do stuff to her face (ie: get her eye boogies, pick her nose and look at her teeth). It never seemed to hurt her or bother her so it wasn't really a big deal to us I guess. We knew that we should take her in but, since it wasn't bothersome it wasn't a priority...

I was up and moving around today, it wasn't the best of mornings. I woke up with a headache that my coffee did not heal and the worst most horrible cramps imaginable. Just before I was getting ready to attempt my morning workout I decided to lay on the bed for a minute to stretch out my back and hope that it'd help my aching tummy. That's when I heard Lily making scratching noises towards the foot of the bed....I looked and sure enough she was using her paw to scratch (so totally not normal for her out of her litter box) and as I looked further, I saw it. She peed. On our bed. A lot. (let me reiterate...A LOT). I sat up quickly not even wanting to scold her, but more or less worried about my $200 down comforter and even more so my couple thousand dollar TempurPedic mattress! When she saw me sitting up she jumped off the bed and kind of froze. I pulled my sheets and blanket and mattress pad off of my bed and started them in the laundry....the comforter, sadly, can not be saved :( It is not salvageable and it sucks. Thats not something I wanted to spend money on right now.

Laundry started, next task? Get the girls in to the laundry room so they are confined while I find a vet. The first thing that came to my mind was "PetSmart". They have a vet clinic inside that would be quick and easy and hopefully pretty reasonable price wise. Bingo....she said I could bring them in right away.

As a side note, I knew something was off. Last night Lily was extra snugly and stayed either on my stomach or right at my side all night long. Almost as if she felt something was wrong. I honestly thought she knew I wasn't feeling well so she was loving up to me. I think it was her that wasn't feeling well....

I get them to the vet, checked in, weighed, looked at by the nurse and she says the Dr will be in shortly. As I'm waiting in the room, I look down and notice that Dot has blood all over her paw and on her face! Her little lump burst open a bit. Ok, so my day is not going at all as planned... 1st Lily was the priority and now I'm thinking it may be Dot..... The doctor comes in, I explain what's wrong with each of them and she gives her prognosis...Dot needs to see a specialist. Since it's a "growth" it would need to be biopsied and the place that it's in is not exactly the best place to be removing something. It's right on the bridge of her nose and it's just horrid :( So....she is going to a dermatologist/oncology office tomorrow morning. (While I am typing this I am thinking "what the hell? I have been needing to go to a dermatologist for how long and I don't go because I don't want to spend the money yet I'm going to take my cat without thinking about it? Gonna revisit that one later). Bought Dot an E-collar and brought her home. She's moping around the house, meowing, looking for her sister....who, we had to leave at the vet. Dr noticed she was tender in a few spots in her abdomen and she also felt a lump in her bladder area. She suggested an X-ray and urine sample. Could be as simple as a UTI or she could have what they call a bladder stone (which I still haven't researched online). Still waiting for them to call with the results as I type.

I'm a mess.

1. I love my cats. So do Paul and Joey and none of us want something to be wrong with them. They have been a part of our family for 2 1/2 years now and like I just said, they are a "part of our family".
2. $$$$$$$$$$ CHA CHING! So expensive. I had to have the gal retype the estimate and not have certain tests run like three different times until I got the price to one that Paul and I saw fit to pay just to find out what's wrong. (that's the sucky part, we dont even know what it will cost to fix her...)
3. Joey was not too happy when he came home from school 20 minutes ago to find that Dot was wearing a cone and Lily was no where to be found....nothing worse than seeing your childs heart breaking. (luckily he has since been distracted by more birthday presents that came in the mail)

I'm out of words. I'll probably read this later and it won't make sense. I have to think about what to do. What is right without breaking our wallets. What do people do in these situations? Seriously? We can't spend all of our savings on them.....we just can't, but we also can't just give them away sick.....

Can I have a tissue please?

Birthdays

Today is Joey's birthday. I have a lot to say, just not a lot of time right now....I need to collect my thoughts and how I want to lay it all out. Viewing some photos helps and keeps

the memories alive. I love my son with all of my heart and enjoy watching him grow through the years. I can't believe that 10 years ago today, I gave birth to him. No drugs. (go me!) He's growing to be quite the young man.

This was his first look at snow in December 2001 when we were living in Poquoson, Va. I think he liked it...and has since!

His 1st kiss with Faith. She was his buddy....This photo will always be treasured!

Springtime, 2002. One of my favorite photos of the two of us. Such a little ham (like his mom)

Happy Birthday to my beautiful child. I love you,

Love,

Mom

Really? Are you kidding me?

The weekend flew by, can't believe it is already Monday. Again. Didn't do much this weekend. Went to the apple store on Saturday and played with some of the computers. Was looking for some new headphones for Paul's iPhone but didn't really want to spend $130 on them. While he was looking at those and Joey was playing with iPhones, I fell in love. At first I thought I was in love with the Mac Mini but no.... it's the 20" monitor "iMac". Sigh.... someday.... I'm such a computer geek and I love multimedia applications and the Internet, really really really love the iMac. So...it's on my list of wants. Which is a long list. My dad used to tease me when I was younger because I always had a list of wants.... Maybe I should share it? OK, here goes...

• iMac
• New vacuum
• LoveSac
• Tiffany Necklace
• Bedroom Furniture
• Another tattoo
• (more) new sunglasses
• A new watch
• A new washer/dryer (front loader)

And really....it goes on and on and on....I'll stop there. I'm starting to sound spoiled or something. Maybe I'll just split it up and it won't sound so bad...

Had a lovely conversation with my ex husband yesterday. Very interesting. We don't talk. EVER. I mean, EVER! We don't get a long and I don't know that we ever will. We have been divorced for 5 years now. I'm not going to get into all of the juicy details of our "chat" but I will say that he offered to take my flying. Um, ya, let me think about that, NO! Are you kidding me? You and me in a small plane together? Alone? hahahahahahahahah...not even going to elaborate on that one. If you are reading and you know me well...you know why this is not a good idea! So, we'll just leave it at that. The end of the conversation did go a little something like this:

Joe , "See you don't hate me that much :)"

Me, "I wouldn't go as far as saying that...."

Until next time, which will most likely be later today when I blog about what I got Joey for his birthday, later....

A little less sleep than usual.

It's never good when you wake up to your child yelling from their bedroom "Mama! Mama!". I was sound asleep at 12:46am when I heard Joey calling out for me. So what did I do? I yelled back... "What!?" and his response was "I can't sleep, I'm scared!". So, I got dressed and got to his room. I asked how long he'd been awake and he said a short time of 10 minutes. Well yeah, it does take a little longer than that to get to sleep sometimes, however, when you have really psyched yourself out about a movie you just watched then it's a different story.

We watched the movie Knowing starring Nicholas Cage last night. It is rated PG-13 and we let Joey watch it with us. He wanted to watch it. He said he and some of his friends had talked about it. So....yeah. Long story short, a part of the movie, or the story behind it (I guess) freaked him out a little bit. That's ok. I get scared too. Still. To this day. I walked down the dark hallway to my bedroom looking over my shoulder last night too!!!! He went back to sleep.....and then I dreamt. (is that how you spell that? It looks weird.)

Today is Friday. Yet again. TGIF!! I've been waiting for this weekend to come all week long! Not sure what we are going to do. The boys want to go to the "show" and see GI Joe (since he's a real American hero and all) and I am not sure if I want to join them? Or go see a chicky flick instead. Hmmmm....Channing Tatum is rather handsome to look at....

Paul has to work again this weekend. What a surprise. It's ok, I'm getting used to it. I have my handy dandy friend named the internet to keep me company when Joey doesn't want to hang out with mom. I'm addicted. It's true and I'm ok with that :)

I'm late for my morning workout. Crap.

Until next time.....

Man in the moon??

Not sure if you can tell or not.....but I think there is a man on the moon kissing a babies forehead. I had to look at this picture over and over and over and wondered "Is this what everyone always said was the Man on the Moon?" I zoomed in, closer and closer and it actually freaked me out! Kind of like one of those posters you buy and frame to hang on your wall. If you stare at it for a while you can see something the ordinary eye wouldn't see. This is the case. There is no editing... just a photo of the moon taken in my backyard last night around 10pm. Do you see it? The profile of the mans face is facing around 10/11 o'clock and the baby is just below. Imagine a father leaning in and kissing his son or daughter on the forehead.....

TeCh StUfF

Messing with my computer, some more. Trying to get it back into quick fast running shape. It has been lagging and so I'm kicking it's butt and making it go to the gym! Trying to figure out which browser I like best. I had used Internet Explorer for so many years, I think since 1999? And earlier this year, I downloaded "Google Chrome". I've liked it, for the most part. There are things I like and don't like. Now I'm checking out Safari. So far I like the appearance of it best out of all of them, but it seems to be rather slow. Hmmm. Have also been having problems with our internet lately, called yesterday and got tech support, FROM AN AUTOMATED SYSTEM! Geez, is our economy that bad that we can't even employ techies anymore??? So...it was fixed. Temporarily. This morning, I was having the same issues so I called again. This time I got a grouchy young man by the name of Drew. I think he needed more coffee or something. He was not the nicest of the bunch. He basically said my internet connection is fine and working how it should be and that the fact that I have my internet plugged into a "router" is the problem, -OR- it is my computer. Ya think? So....we'll see. I dunno. It's been working fine for the past 8 or 9 months. It's just been the past couple weeks....which is why I'm remodeling my computer and getting it back to the gym to get in shape!

It's cloudy today. Muggy and hot. I hope we get a storm or two. My house is clean and my chores are done so now it's ME time. I love my life....

Rambling.

Haven't had much to say. Well, actually, that's a lie. I have had TONS to say but just didn't have the energy to sit at my computer and type it all for the world to see.

I've been busy the last few days. Trying to get into some sort of "groove" for while the boys are gone at work and school. I'm excited because next week Joey starts a Science class after school on Tuesdays for an hour. It will last for 8 weeks. The following week on Thursdays, he is starting a Hip Hop dance class! That will last for 6 weeks. I'm hoping it all will help him crawl out of his shell again and really get into after school activities. He doesn't start soccer again until Sept 12. That seems so far away but I know it will be here before I know it!

That's all I got for now. Gonna finish listening to my fav band (Maroon 5) while I finish transferring songs to my new external hard drive....

Last of July.

Wow. It definitely came and went. I can't believe tomorrow is already August. That means we have been here in Arizona for almost a year now! The time has gone by so fast. It feels like just last month my parents and Paul's parents were visiting. We have survived the "hottest July on record" so I think we can stay here. I love the heat. I'll take the heat over 10 degree weather any day!

I had such a wonderful time visiting with Jeanne this week. It made me realize how much I have missed her. I have always missed her, but as the years go by and we dont see eachother, you start to get "used to it" and don't appreciate your friendship like you did. I am so happy I got to see her and visit our friendship all over again with more meaning. We are both older now and have changed quite a bit over the years but seeing her and spending time together this week only made us stronger. We have decided to not wait 5 years again before we see one another. It's the same thing with April. I feel like when she came to visit in January it brought us closer together again. I think it has to do with them seeing my new life with sadness. Seeing Paul and what a great husband he is and how great our life here is. I miss them and I miss Heidi. They have all been there for me through the years and I will never have another friend like them. They were there for me when I was down, when I was at weakest and when I probably said and did things I shouldn't have. I love them for that and I hope that over the years we can stay close.

Not sure what we are going to do this weekend....not sure if Paul has to work. Although, if he does I know that I'll be ok with it. I'm getting a new understanding of how he's being treated at work and what they are putting him through. I know that it helps him get through the day when I am supportive. Joey voiced this morning that he would like to see the Monster Trucks this weekend, hmmm...we'll see. It's been a while since we've gone to see them.

Waiting for my coffee to brew.

Hard to believe the week is almost half over. Joey is on day 3 of 5th grade and so far so good. He has been saying "I don't wanna go to school" each day but I think it's just because he doesn't want summer to be over. He comes home every day with a smile on his face, so I know it can't be THAT bad! Besides, it's 5th grade!! He has been feeling better, I'm sure the MiraLax is partly responsible for that. I am really wishing I didn't have to clean his bathroom right about now!

Jeanne is here this week. It has been so wonderful seeing her! It's been 5 years! She looks great and it sounds like her and her husband are still really happy. Monday night we stayed up late chatting and then I went and had lunch with her yesterday. I wish I could see her more, but she's here for work, so her days are occupied by classes. It's so refreshing to see a friend. I talk to her all the time in email but it's just not the same. Talking in person is so much more therapuetic! We were so close earlier in our lives.

It was hot yesterday. It was the first time that I actually felt pretty hot. Normally when it is above 100, around 110 or so, it all feels the same and just feels warm. THIS>>>>>

was pretty freaking warm! I had to put gas in my car and while sitting there waiting, I was amazed at what the air felt like. I felt as though I was standing in an oven, or in front of blow dryer. Normally when it's that hot, I guess I don't notice it because I'm in the pool or inside my house. I've heard a rumor that this is the hottest July on record for Arizona. I'm not complaining about it. Honestly I love it. It only lasts for a few days, the heat itself for a few weeks. The rest of the year is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

I'm rambling. I don't have much to say today. I haven't been feeling myself. I am not sure what it is, but I have a pretty good idea. I've been tired, a little down, have lost a lot of my motivation. I think I just need to get back into my routine of working out 5 days a week instead of just "here & there". Speaking of, I set myself a date with the elliptical at 9am....time to go sweat and hopefully boost my mood! Can't wait to see Jeanne again tonight...

Exhausting.

Today is Monday. It was the 1st day of school for Joey. Hard to believe he's now in the 5th grade. Oh how I remember the 5th grade! The crushes, the friends, the teachers, the extra amount of homework...I'm hoping this year goes well for him.

I went to bed at 9:30 last night. Fell right to sleep and was actually in a pretty good dreamless sleep. I woke up to the sound of my child crying and walking towards my bedroom. I immediately sat up and asked "Joey? What's wrong honey" and he stood in my doorway saying his stomach hurt. I instantly jumped up and said "Do you need to throw up? Did you throw up?", and he said "no". I searched for my glasses, and ran to him. Thank goodness I was sleeping with clothes on! I walked him back to his room where I helped him lay down on his bed while I tried to assess and make sense of his pains. He was crying. A lot. He couldn't really tell me a whole lot, just that his stomach hurt and when I'd try to touch it he was really start crying. He has been through this before, about a year and a half ago while he was visiting his dad. They said he was "constipated" (probably from the lack of good food his dad feeds him) and they gave him a laxative. While I was 90% sure it was gas or maybe a little constipation, I felt I needed to take him into the ER just to be sure. I would hate for something bad to happen and it be my fault. I asked him if he'd been going to the bathroom and he said, "yes, still going everyday". So it was a little odd that he'd be constipated.

So, loaded him up in the car, tears and all and headed to the hospital. I would have rather taken him to an Urgent Care clinic, but they aren't open 24hrs. We walked into the hospital, our first visit there since we moved to Arizona last year. It was clean and cold. I was so happy that I had worn my pink VS sweats, otherwise I would have turned into an icicle. As we walked in, he was telling me that his stomach was starting to feel better but still hurt when he touched it. Of course. The symptoms go away when you get to the Dr. I told the nurse (who was a male, with a goatee, arm sleeves and spiky hair, oh yes and big huge earrings) what the problem was and Joey's name. He printed up an ID bracelet for Joe and said "follow me"....

We were already going into the back room? Couldn't be, there were at least 20 other people sitting in the waiting room. I wasn't going to argue. He put Joe on the scale, took his temperature and said "the Dr will be here shortly". I was barely able to blink and here comes this stud muffin of a doctor introducing himself to Joe. It was obvious that he had kids of his own, you can always tell. People with kids talk to other kids in a different way. It's great. So...after pressing on Joe's tummy and making him jump as high as he could, he came to the conclusion that it was probably gas/constipation. In order for him to further conclude that he recommended we get an X-Ray and have some blood work done to rule out any infection. He felt completely confident that it wasn't Joe's appendix and I was so happy to hear those words. While he said he couldn't be 100% sure, he did say he was pretty positive. Joe was already feeling better, in fact now, he was ready to go home and go back to bed. So was I....

Two and a half hours later the doctor tells us that it appears he has a few "clumps" blocking up his system. Take him home, give him Miralax for a few days and have him drink plenty of water. I can do that....poor kid :( The worst part is, today is his first day of school. I just hope he got enough sleep. I went back and forth about just keeping him home, but it's the 1st day! He can't miss that! He was feeling fine this morning, so I sent him on his way. I told him if he started to feel too tired or his tummy was hurting again, just tell the teacher and go to the nurse. I'd come pick him up. He's my little trooper, aka, "non pooper". Maybe I'll call him the "Non-Pooper-Trooper.

Now, I am exhausted. I had 3 hours of sleep last night, didn't have coffee yet today. I opted for a Monster instead and plan on coffee this afternoon. Work out is done and now it's time to clean house. Bella (my tarantula) needs new bedding and Maui (my snake) needs some mice. I think she's a little hungry....

No picture today. At least not right now. Maybe later....

It's the weekend.

Well.....it's Friday and I'm so happy it is! This has been a long week for me. Not exactly sure why, but it has. I've been extremely exhausted and just can't seem to catch up on sleep. It seems I dream all night long and can only stay asleep for 2- 2 1/2 hrs. What's up with that? Why? Is it stress? I shouldn't have anything to stress about! I'm healthy, happy and loved....

I'm hoping for another storm tonight. The sky does look rather gloomy out there. I'd love to play with my camera some more and get some great storm shots. It's almost as if it's becoming my new hobby. The boys play their video games and I play with my camera, works for me! :)

I was on TV last night. Channel 3 evening news at 9. It was lame, I was lame and sounded like a total blonde bimbo! Who says "Oh yeah, we are affected by the road being closed, we have to go around! Geez, like OMG, our life is ruined because we have to take a left instead of a right!" COME ON! It's ok, I'm sure there are people out there who watched and laughed...I know I always point and laugh at silly nosey neighbors who are the news talking about an incident in their neighborhood! HA!

Took Joey to the movies today. We stocked up on candy at Fry's and then got our traditional movie theater popcorn. It was delicious. Minus the gross cheddar cheese "stuff" i put on mine, blech, should have stuck with the Kettle Corn stuff Joey put on his. Much yummier! The movie was it's normal kid flick type. It was funny, but I was ready for it to be over. I would have been

happy renting it and watching on the comfort of my couch, but I did it for Joey.

Not much else to say...not sure if I'll write this weekend. Not even sure what we are doing.

Hmmmm...Here's a picture, nothing special, nothing fancy. Took it with my camera on my phone actually...

I seem to have forgotten.

It's a little annoying when I'm out and about and I think "Oh! I want to blog about that" and then I sit here staring at my computer screen with nothing to type. I am sure it was something good and it will come to me later as I'm sitting on the couch watching So You Think You Can Dance.

Paul is finally on his way home from work. It's 5:15pm and it's been another long day. This week has been torture. I feel so bad for Paul and all of the hours he has put in. It makes me feel guilty that I get mad that he's working so much. I know I shouldn't be mad, but I am. He worked Saturday, Sunday and then Monday didn't get off until 5, yesterday didn't get off until 630!! 12 hour days are not what he should be working. But, I guess if he's gotta get the job done then he's gotta work. I should just shut up and be thankful that he has a job. One that allows me to stay home!! Ok, I'm done venting about that.

Joey has been quiet this week. I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm guessing maybe it's because he's getting a little nervous about starting the 5th grade on Monday? Maybe. I'm going to miss him when he goes back to school, but on the other hand I am happy he is. He seems to be getting bored with swimming everyday and watching movies, playing video games and whatever else him and I decide to do with our day. At least going to school will allow him to make some new friends (since the ones he made in 4th grade moved away) and get some education!!

Well, I still can't remember what I wanted to write about. Oh well, next time I think of it I'll write it down so I can blog about it tomorrow. Time to cook dinner and get ready for another monsoon tonight. So exciting. I hope this one brings lots of thunder & lightning! It always makes me smile...

Oh yes, can't forget....one last thing. Here is my photo for today...

Knowing.

Knowing that you love me is all I really need.

Hearing you say it gets me through the day.

I miss you.

I need you.

I long for you.

Knowing you think of me before you close your eyes,

is all I really need.

I know you love me.

You say and you show me, each and every day.

I cry for you.

I long for you

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Storm moving through Phoenix area, Monday July 20, 2009

love.this.

"Thoughts become dreams, dreams become goals, and goals become the plan that can set you free..."

Not. Sure.

I'm not too sure what I want to do. Do I want to continue to stay home? Go to work? I want to have a career that means something to me. I dont want to go to work just to "go to work". However I dont have the time or money to go to school...such a delima. Not sure what to do. I do know that I will not go back into law enforcement. Not as a dispatcher anyways. Not even a police officer. I just dont know.....

Paul is at work, again. Today. He worked all day yesterday and now he's back at work again today. I hate it. I shouldn't complain, really I shouldn't. By him going to work allows me to stay home, and he did take a few days off last week so we could go camping. But....he deserves those days off. That is why he is given vacation time.

So...I'm browsing jobs on the internet while I give Joey a little bit of video game time before we head outside to swim. It's supposed to be hot again today. Another excessive heat warning in effect. Hopefully the pool is refreshing.

Yesterday was great fun. Paul's cousin Stacie came over in the afternoon and hung out with Joey and I. She brought this underwater digital camera she has and I am in love with it! I have to get one. Maybe we'll go to Costco this afternoon and take a look at it....hmmm.

My coffee is almost gone which means my internet time is up. I need to get up and get moving, but I dont want to. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything today. Maybe because it's Sunday and it's supposed to be a day of rest and relaxation...I feel like something is missing in my life and I just can't quite fi

gure out what it is.....

Making up for yesterday....

I've been playing with my camera and I now LOVE it! I set some ordinary bananas on my kitchen table, the windows were open and with the right settings on my camera, this is what I got....

Maybe to some it's boring....but to me, I think it looks great! It's a pretty sweet looking photo!!!

And here....my little friend at the Ostrich farm....

Such a pretty little bird....just so darn messy!!!

My son is my best guinee pig!!! I love taking pictures of him because he is so animated and so patient with me. I can take picture after picture and he will still just sit there posing, or doing whatever until I tell him I'm done!

Wow. I suck.

So, wow...first things first. I suck. I already missed a day. I thought about writing all day....I was so busy and wished I could just think it and it would type on my blog. Yah, that didnt happen.

Yesterday was hot. Like 110 degrees hot. IMO anything after 100 feels the same. Especially when you are doing yard work in it for 4 hours. Joey helped me, so that was nice. We'd jump in the pool, do some work, and then jump in again. Got everything I want to get done, done. I felt very accomplished and didnt feel guilty while lounging in the pool all afternoon.

Had an interesting experience last night. Hope to never have it again. Movies on Friday night = BAD! From the moment we got there and had the annoying teenie boppers sitting in front of us, I knew it was going to be a LONG movie. I love Harry Potter. I do. This one just didnt do it for me. I dont know if it was the movie? The fact that I didnt read this book? The smell of the people in the movie theater (do people not shower??) Was it the kid texting through the ENTIRE movie sitting next to Joey? Seriously, I'm all about my phone and texting, but if you are going to pay $9.75 to see a movie, can you not just put your phone away for 2 1/2 hours? Is it that important? YOU ARE 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, yah, not an experience I enjoyed. I would have much rather been at home watching the storm rip plants from my yard, and toss palm fronds all over the pool. Much more exciting!

Today is Saturday. Paul is at work and Joey is watching cartoons. I have snuck away into my little corner and it feels nice. I'm missing something though. Something with a strong aroma. It's almost 11am and if I dont have it soon, I'm gonna be a mess. I wish I could kick the habit but it's not that I drink it because I'm addicted, I actually like to have my coffee every morning. It's soothing and I just plain ol like it! Besides, nutrionists say that a cup a day can actually be healthy.

I didn't post a picture yesterday. So, I better post 2 today. Man, I'm really bad at this goals thing...

Ok, so I'm trying to post pictures but for some reason that picture folder keeps freezing. Have to restart....I'll post some pictures later.

Daily Photo

I'm learning to use my camera....still not great, but messing around with the settings. Every day I am going to post a photo that I've taken!!

*******************************************

Meet....Harold.

July 10, 2009

Summertime!

Wow, I haven't really been using this thing they call a "blog" however I think about it every day. I really need to start writing again, it used to be my passion. I feel I have lost it. What is a better time to start again than now?

Just got back from a weekend of camping. 4 days and 4 nights in the woods with good company, campfires, dirtbikes, hiking and food. It was great....until Al got sick. We were staying with Al & Sara in their toy hauler and Al came down with a cold on Saturday. He kept saying that it was allergies and he was coughing all over all of us...we knew it wasn't allergies. What do you know? Joey and Paul are both sick now...go figure.

I have 7 weekdays left with Joey before he starts the 5th grade. I can't believe it! I remember being in the 5th grade like it was yesterday. I remember feeling so grown up and it was about the time I had my first "boyfriend" which my dad called a "walk about". (I guess it was because we would walk around school holding hands). I am happy Joe's not into girls, yet. I hope it stays that way. I like that he is into dirtbikes for now....

I am making a promise to myself that I am going to start writing again. Or do I call it "blogging". I just need to learn to use this site and figure out how to post pictures throughout my blog. Maybe my trusty sidekick Stacie can help me when she comes over tonight....

~Ne

It's May 7 and already the triple digit weather. Never did I think it was going to come this early....but it's ok. I like it. I love the heat and I love the sunny weather. I would never want to live anywhere that it is overcast and rainy and cold....blech. Never.... My life is pretty boring, most of the time. I spend my days cleaning and playing Cinderella in this home I call my palace. That's ok, I like it. Today I got up at 5:15am and made my husband his lunch for work. Wasn't too hard, just had to pack some left over spaghetti and a yogurt with some fruit and a little treat I like to call Oreos. He's spoiled, yes. I then made him breakfast and turned on the news to see what was going on in Santa Barbara, CA. The wildfires are so devastating. We have a cousin who lives there and she had to evacuate last night. My heart goes out to her and all of the other thousands of families who have to do the same. Anyways, got a little off track. Once I caught up on that, I folded some laundry, made my son some breakfast and hung out with him before he was off to his bus stop. Once he left I started my cleaning ritual. Change the kitty litter, water my plants outside, sweep the entire house (2400 sq ft) and then mop it....sounds fun huh?  I enjoy it actually....I'm just HOT right now because it's freaking 83 degrees in my house. I'm refusing to turn on the AC and really, it's not THAT bad. It's hotter outside.... My life in a nutshell. I've been through a lot and what I've been through, both easy and tough times, has made me who I am. I complain a bit but when I stop and think about who I am and what I've accomplished I realize how lucky I am to have the life I've lived and do live. There's just so much I want that I can't have. This journey I'm on right now is one to try and get rid of the "wants" and focus on what I have.... Pool is calling...must swim.... Until next time...

Summertime is almost here!

hard to believe that it's almost summer. really weird to say "almost" as it's 98 degrees outside. I definitely love the feel of the hot summer sun and am eagerly anticipating experiencing a real Arizona summer in the "valley of the sun". 

today is earth day. hm. what does that mean really? why do we only dedicate 1 day out of 365 to help save the planet. i think it's BS. it should be practiced every day of the year. just watched a very disturbing video on the Oprah Winfrey show. the turtle who grew up with a plastic ring around his shell was the worst. 

thinking about school. always thinking about what i want to do when i grow up. I'm going to be 30 next year and to me that's a milestone. i love staying home and being a stay at home mom and would love to have more children but is that going to happen? can we afford to do that? if i have to go back to work then I'm definitely not having more children :( 

time to swim....